If only
by MidnightOfTheSoul
Summary: Jack and the team search for a missing 21 year old.
1. If only

Rating: Towards end will be heavy PG-13  
  
Spoilers: Up through Victory through Humanity  
  
Summary: Jack and the team search for a missing 21 year old.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters nor the show. A/N: I am trying my hardest to make this like a real case. Melburne University is completely fictional but could be compared to Columbia or a school of such value. This story will be very dark and will completely trespass into dangerous character development territory. This goes out to the Maple St. Crew. Enjoy!  
It was quiet in the office as the team waited for the inevitable case that would consume the next few days of their existence. Viv and Martin occasionally passed a file back and forth, Danny got up frequently to walk around the office and Sam worked on an unsolved case that she saved for her spare time. Rarely were they ever free, most of the time cases overlapped or got passed along to other departments if left unsolved. When the team got the chance to relax, they normally caught up on reports and unfinished business.  
  
Every time they saw someone approach their cluster of desks, an anxious sensation in the pit of their stomachs produced an impatience to learn of their new task. In an entire day, they'd received not one call, fax or visit. Martin walked by Jack's office every so often to see if Jack was holding out on them, the wait creating a dreadful suspense.  
  
Danny sat at his desk, nervously tapping his pencil, staring at the numerous patches and photos tacked to the board on his desk. He immediately blinked away his blank stare when a familiar form crossed the bullpen with the usual sort of purpose and intent. He glanced back at Sam, who was speaking on the phone and winked as she nodded at him in her knowing manner.  
  
Jack tapped the top of Danny's desk as he headed towards the large conference table in front of the white board. Vivian and Martin followed close behind Danny, taking seats around the table. Walking around the table, Jack silently handed each member their own file, each containing the same data.  
  
Vivian opened the folder and paused. As with every case, there was always a photo that aided the information they received. This photo was different. She glanced up at Danny who was sitting across from her, the same look on his face. The woman, aged 21, looked startlingly like their very own Samantha Spade.  
  
"Sorry about that, I think I may have found what I was looking for," said Sam contentedly as she took a seat beside Danny.  
  
"No problem," said Jack, passing her a file. "We have Melanie Myers, age 21 third year student at Melburne University. She was double majoring in Psychology and Political Science. However, she is currently taking a leave of absence for personal reasons. As of right now," Jack checked his watch, "she's been missing almost 15 hours."  
  
Questions began flying around, everyone avoiding the obvious similarity in the features of the agent sitting at the table and their victim. No one noticed at Sam laid the file on the table and sat back in her chair, the blood pounding in her ears. She blinked her eyes quickly as she tried to decipher what those around her were saying, but she couldn't quite keep up. Overcoming the sensation, she recovered quickly and began to participate in their round of brainstorming and "20 questions".  
  
"Do we have her schedule?" Sam asked, throwing a look at Jack as she scribbled down notes on her legal pad.  
  
"No, but the school is faxing that along with her report cards and overall student summary within the hour," he replied.  
  
"And we don't know why she took a semester off?" asked Martin.  
  
"No, but you and Danny are going to find out. I want you two to head North as soon as possible. Viv, I want you to retrieve her phone records and all financial information. Sam, start the background research and I'll get the schedule to you as soon as it comes in."  
  
The team dispersed in several locations, Danny arranging to get to Melburne University, Martin calling school officials to make an appointment. Vivan began making the usual calls and Sam went to her desk and began accessing the proper databases.  
  
--------------------------  
  
Danny followed Martin as they climbed the stairs to the dorm room in which Melanie Myers lived. They'd already spoken to her academic advisor and learned that she was an exemplary student, very active and outgoing. She was at least until two months ago. Her grades didn't deteriorate too badly, but her social life had all but flown out the window. She did however, maintain close contact with a small group of friends and her boyfriend Troy Harris, a seminary student at the theological college.  
  
As far as the leave of absence, the advisor didn't have much to offer other than she'd been experiencing some emotional problems and that her family was having trouble at home. Danny asked the questions as Martin scribbled away furiously, taking in all he could. They spoke with her a few more minutes but came away with nothing solid.  
  
Martin and Danny knocked on the dorm room and encountered a petite, blond haired 21 year old. Her eyes were puffy and she looked slightly frazzled.  
  
"Hello, I'm Special Agent Fitzgerald and this is Special Agent Taylor."  
  
"I know, you're here for Mel. Have you already seen Troy? He's totally distraught. We have no idea where she could be."  
  
"Does she have family nearby?" The question elicited a confused response from the young woman.  
  
"Family? The only family she has is an ailing grandmother who kicked her out when she was 17. Mel used to be somewhat of a partyer."  
  
"I'm sorry what was your name?" asked Martin quickly.  
  
"Oh, sorry, I am Anna Stanton. I've roomed with Mel for the past three years."  
  
"Back to the partying. Does she still do that?"  
  
"No, she is much more studious now, she reformed her ways before second quarter of our first year."  
  
"Quarter?"  
  
"Yes, the school runs on the quarter system. We are both on the accelerated program that guarantees us immediate entrance to a post graduate program."  
  
"What was Melanie planning to become?"  
  
"She wasn't definite, but I think she was leaning towards a political analyst."  
  
"Interesting. How long has she known Troy?"  
  
"Since the first day she set foot on the grounds. They didn't start dating until last year though. Up until then it had been one-sided on his part."  
  
"Do you know how Melanie still remained on campus even though she was taking leave?" asked Danny.  
  
"Leave of what?"  
  
"Classes?"  
  
"She was going to class."  
  
Danny looked at Martin. "No, she's taken a leave of absence."  
  
"I don't understand. The last time I saw her, she was leaving for her advanced French class."  
  
"Unless her advisor and the school are misinformed, she hasn't stepped foot in a class since the third week in February."  
  
An alarm went off in the background and Anna frowned.  
  
"She's been lying to me for the past five weeks?" she climbed up her bed and hastily shut of the clock.  
  
"Afraid so. Do you have somewhere you need to be?"  
  
"Yes, I'm sorry, I have a study session to go to. We have exams next week. You can stay and look around if you like. I should be back by about 10:30. Please give me a call if you have any more questions."  
  
"We will, thanks," said Martin as the young woman kindly excused herself, leaving her cell phone number with Danny.  
  
"How did her roommate not know she wasn't going to class?" asked Danny as they pilfered through the room, looking at Melanie's personal belongings.  
  
"Better yet, the advisor had the opinion that Melanie had more family than what she really had. I think we have a confused girl on our hands."  
  
"Confused?"  
  
"Well, that or a pathological liar," said Martin, the eternal pessimist.  
  
"Either way, as soon as we're done here, we need to speak with the boyfriend."  
  
"Right."  
  
TBC. 


	2. I'd taken

A/N Wow. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed. I am trying to maintain the integrity of an actual case, but one part, we had to go home with an agent. Anyway, hope you enjoyed your commercial break!  
  
---------------  
  
22.5 hours missing  
  
Vivian sighed as she pulled herself away from the seemingly endless list of numbers and highlighter streaks. She checked her watch, aware that she only had an hour before she'd have to catch the train home. Tonight was spaghetti night, the one night during the week she was always allowed to go home. No matter what. She glanced in Sam's direction and saw an enraptured woman, completely oblivious to the world.  
  
Vivan had always envied Sam's ability to focus. Viv's mind was constantly wavering between home, her son and work. She'd be sitting at her desk on the phone when she'd remember she'd forgotten to put carrots in Reggie's lunch, or that she hadn't told her husband to pick up the dry cleaning on the way home. Sam didn't have any of that. She had a revolving boyfriend and an overloaded work schedule.  
  
As the printer slowly spat out imperative information, Sam sat frowning. Melburne. She hadn't even thought of the place in months. Psychology. Psychology and Melburne. The thought alone made her shiver. As she scanned over the fresh information, she turned to find her boss leaning against her desk.  
  
"I can't get the schedule yet. The school is having problems with their fax machine and can't send me the information any other way. It should get here before the boys though."  
  
"That's all right. I've already gotten a lot of information on her anyway."  
  
"Good. Martin called and said they should be getting here within 10 minutes."  
  
"Great," she replied mechanically.  
  
"Hey, Viv, having any luck over there?" He called over across the large table.  
  
"Not really. She wasn't much of a talker. I'm almost done with the phone records for the past six months."  
  
"Keep looking, maybe you'll come across something."  
  
"Yeah, hopefully."  
  
"I'll be in my office if you need me," said Jack as he retreated back into his room of solitude.  
  
-----------------  
  
Danny and Martin returned with the information they collected from her dorm room and conversations they'd shared with her roommate and her boyfriend. Everyone had reassembled around the table and listened intently.  
  
"Both the roommate and Harris were unaware that she was not attending class. Apparently, the last time she was seen was when she walked with Harris to his Old Testament class," Martin paused to take a sip of his tea. "She was going to her advanced French class. He said she had her books with her, but when Danny and I went by her dorm earlier, her French book was there. So we know she dropped by her dorm room sometime after leaving him and before disappearing."  
  
"Her boyfriend is the same age correct?" said Vivian, glancing at Danny across the table.  
  
"Yes. He is enrolled in the theological college and what was it he played?"  
  
"Rugby," replied Martin. "Right, he plays rugby. When we got to his dorm he seemed to be out of it," said Danny.  
  
"His girlfriend just disappeared, wouldn't you be?" said Sam.  
  
"No, I mean it was almost like the guilty kind of freaked out. He had phone numbers everywhere, he definitely hadn't slept that night and he was all over the place."  
  
Martin nodded in agreement. "We figured they'd just had an argument or something before she left. He alluded to it, but never specifically mentioned anything that could lead us to make the assumption that he was involved," said Martin.  
  
"Do you know for sure that he was in class?" asked Jack.  
  
"No, but we can call his professor."  
  
"How did he not know she wasn't going to class. Did he never see her enter or leave a building? How did she even stay on campus?" said Viv.  
  
"We asked him how he didn't know what she was doing," said Martin.  
  
"She always took early classes and I'm not much of a morning person," said Troy, carefully balancing on his heels as he squatted on the floor. Looking for another person to call, he didn't try to hide his distracted state as he shuffled through papers shoved beneath his bed. "She had French on Mondays and Wednesdays at 6 p.m. and the only other class that was late was this seminar and that was on Tuesday nights from 8 to 11."  
  
Danny watched as the young man stood up quickly and started pacing the room, rubbing his hands over his short brown hair. He was shaking and talking at an accelerated pace, unable to remain in one position for long.  
  
"How was your relationship?" asked Martin as he leaned against Harris' desk.  
  
"Uh, good? The last few weeks have been a little rough, but we've been working through everything. She'd been stressed out from all the classes she was taking. After she won the award she went through this whole issue with living up to their expectations. She seemed fine though yesterday, we'd eaten lunch together and I'd gone to practice and we then we met up again to go to class."  
  
"Is there anyone she could have seen during that period to make her feel compelled to leave?" asked Danny.  
  
"I don't know, maybe. But even when we were going to class she was fine. I just don't understand. How was she not even taking classes this quarter? Wouldn't she have to move out or something?"  
  
"Apparently not as long as the school gets her money and she returns within 60 days that she first began her leave of absence."  
  
"She was lying all that time. This is so not like her. She's always been honest. It's one of the things I admire most about her. Aww geez. This can't be happening."  
  
"Troy, we need you to calm down," said Martin calmly. "Agent Taylor or I will probably be back tomorrow if we have more questions. Before then, I want you to get some sleep and please - take a shower."  
  
The tall boy, he was six foot three, nodded his acquiescence and sat down dejectedly on his bed.  
  
"Take care of yourself Troy, we are doing our best," said Danny with a sincere tone and reassuring pat on the shoulder.  
  
"Did you run into anyone else who knew what was going on?" asked Sam as she finished recording the information.  
  
"No, we tried meeting with one of her Psych professors, but she wasn't available. Looks like we're heading back tomorrow," said Martin.  
  
"Good job guys. Viv did you find anything?"  
  
"She calls her grandmother once a week, every Sunday. She spoke with Troy frequently and none of the other calls seemed irregular. Her credit cards have nothing extreme charged on them and the last time she pulled money out of the bank was Monday. She only pulled out forty, so I'm assuming it was enough to get her through the next few days for food."  
  
"Okay, Sam what have you got?" asked Jack.  
  
"Basically she's a work-a-holic, she constantly overloaded her schedule and even then she worked on this research project. It was quite unusual though. She was offered the chance to work on it even before she entered college. Apparently she'd done some work on the same subject in her home town and had received several scholarships for the advancements she'd made."  
  
"Do you know what the focus was?" asked Danny.  
  
"That's the problem, in everything I've read, there are no accounts of what it was she actually did. I just got her schedule so I should know more in a little bit."  
  
"Good. Sam keep working on that and Martin and Danny I want you to start going over the items you got from her dorm. Make sure it's okay with the roommate you have all of this," he gave them a knowing look.  
  
"Don't worry," said Danny. "She practically gave it to us."  
  
"Whatever you say. Viv, keep working on what you've got."  
  
One by one the team got up and went to their tasks, each pulling out pieces to put in this dysfunctional puzzle.  
  
-------------------- 35 hours missing  
  
The next day everyone arrived at work refreshed and ready to go. Everyone- but a certain blond who had a startling resemblance to their victim. Unlike the others, she didn't sleep that night. Instead, she took several showers trying to wash this transparent layer of filth that had accumulated on her skin. When that didn't work, she hopped on her treadmill and turned on her cd player and ran. She ran until her CD was done. Contemplating going for another round, she decided against it when her clock read 2:30 a.m. She walked slowly into her cramped and cluttered office, scanning the bookshelves and going in and out of file cabinets, searching for something.  
  
It appeared that she didn't know the location of that for what she was looking. However, she knew the exact location, she just had to find all the pieces. Finally, she sat down on the floor and looked at the objects of her search. Her eyes glazed over every surface, calling to mind the reason she'd kept these few objects from her college years. A certificate, a notebook, a cluster of papers, a journal and a tape. This tape was found in her locked filing cabinet, behind a row of tightly packed manila folders. It was found in a dark, worn leather bound case, which also contained the notebook and her journal. Touching these objects almost made her fingertips feel as though they were grazing the stove. She couldn't bring herself to do anything but stare at them. And stare she did. Her mind was numb and her systems had shut down, only her body in its physical form remained in the room that housed files and reports and memories.  
  
As everyone carried their work with them to the large conference table, petty conversations bounced back and forth, some light casual banter. Sam of course to part in this early morning ritual, one of the only times throughout the day they believed it was tolerable to smile. Jack began talking and smiles dissipated, humor locked away for another dull moment.  
  
"Martin and Vivian, as you recall, Sam highlighted the professors that could give us some insight to the case. I want you two to go to the school and see what you can dig up."  
  
"Sam, I want you to stay on background. Danny, I want you to track down her whereabouts for the past two months. What she ate, where she shopped, what she listened to in her CD player. We have a very disturbed girl on our hands. Work as quickly as you can, because the glass doesn't stay half full as the clock ticks away."  
  
Each fed with their assignment and noble crusade, the team dispersed, silently agreeing to meet back by noon. Jack went to his office and began negotiating with the university to see if he could make her missing person status a local news issue. He felt that the school wouldn't appreciate the bad publicity, but it was worth a shot.  
  
Danny rode in the large black car without standard license plates, mentally questioning the person he was about to interview. Melanie had a therapist in the outskirts of the city, close to her school. He figured with all of her lying there had to be a sole reason behind this, fueling her to be dishonest. As far as he could tell, this was a missing person case, not a kidnapping, but with college students and an enormous city, anything could happen. He parked the car close to the building and waited for traffic to pass by before he tried to exit the vehicle.  
  
He entered the office and looked around. Plain white walls with the occasional $40 painting and the standard table with coffee were what comprised the waiting area. He went to the front desk and asked for her therapist's office and was directed upstairs to another bland waiting room.  
  
After conversing with the receptionist for a minute or two, convincing her that he only needed to speak with the good doctor for a only few minutes, he sat down on a large overstuffed couch. He didn't wait long and was quickly ushered into Dr. Freelan's office.  
  
She was a tall woman with dark hair and long legs. Very distracting long legs that bounced back and forth when she sat in her plain, functional chair.  
  
The office wasn't much to rave about. It had few pictures, but a large window and a small, but comfortable couch. Danny sat on this couch, waiting patiently while Dr. Freelan finished speaking with a patient on the phone. After the conversation ended, she resumed her position in her chair.  
  
"I am aware you can release nothing that is confidential to us, I only need to ask you certain behavioral signs for the sake of our investigation," said Danny.  
  
"I will do my best to offer what I can."  
  
"Obviously you saw Melanie on some of her worst days. But was there any recent noticeable decrease in her behavior or attitude?"  
  
"For the past few weeks she's been somewhat scatterbrained. Late to appointments, calling to reschedule then never following through. She said she was really busy with her classes."  
  
"About those classes. Are you aware that she was not taking any for the past quarter?"  
  
"No. No I wasn't. We uh, we talked about one of the classes she was helping out with frequently - Infant and Child Psychology. She'd already taken the course, but the teacher asked her to stay on and help with a project he was running."  
  
"Do you know which teacher this was?"  
  
"I think it was Dr. Raymond. Can't tell you more than that though, she never really elaborated. Most of what I knew about her classes was more passing conversation before our sessions started."  
  
"From this professor, do you think working on the project had an effect on her?"  
  
"I'm not sure exactly. I don't even know when she met him."  
  
"Can you tell me anything else about her?"  
  
"Melanie was a smart kid. If she really was lying about not taking classes, then she had a very good reason for not taking them. I haven't seen her in almost two weeks though, so her behavior could have changed dramatically in that time."  
  
"Do you know if anything happened to her recently that would cause her to harm herself?"  
  
"I can't tell you that. Nice try though."  
  
There was a buzz on her phone. Another patient had arrived. She gave Danny an apologetic look and smiled. "Sorry. I need to meet with this patient," she stood and held out her hand. Danny shook it and put his notebook back into his jacket. "If you have anymore questions, here is my card. My home phone number is on there as well."  
  
Danny thanked her again and turned to exit the office. He thought of one more question.  
  
"Did Melanie live in the city or on campus?"  
  
Dr. Freelan looked up from the paperwork on her desk.  
  
"Uh I think she lived in an apartment. I have her address on file. Would you like it?"  
  
"Yes, that would be great."  
  
Danny left the building, happy he'd asked that last question. He pulled out his phone to give Jack a call.  
  
"Hey Jack. I have another address for Myers. Apparently she had a place in the city as well."  
  
"Wonderful. Where is it?" Danny opened up the door slowly and gave Jack the address, adding that it was in a decent neighborhood.  
  
"Great. I'll be over there with Sam in half an hour."  
  
And the plot thickens. 


	3. care of

A/N: Okay for those at Maple St. - If you did your homework, the next chapter will be much more powerful. The song mainly sets the tone for the whole scene in the apartment. For those who have no idea of what I am speaking, the song I am referring to is Haunted by Evanescence. Download it if you want to have the full effect of this chapter and the next. Anyway, I'll shut up now. Once again, thank you so much for all the reviews. It is quite encouraging- gives me warm fuzzies. This chapter isn't too exciting, but just you wait. Heh.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 40 hours missing  
  
Sam, Jack and Danny walked into the office, bags in hand. They headed to the back and placed their new evidence on the large conference table. Danny sat down while Sam walked to the window for a second, then turned at took the chair beside Danny. Vivan and Martin showed up not long after, with coffee for them all, and took their seats. Jack walked up to the white board and wrote "Slept at apartment last night?"  
  
When they'd reached the apartment, it was evident that she'd been there recently. The most obvious sign was that her cd player was still on, playing the same song over and over again. It was a hard song, very tormented sounding. The kid was obviously angry or distraught about something. Sam tried to stop and just listen to the song, but there was too much to be done. Checking what song it was stuck on, Jack told the forensics team that he needed the cd bagged up and checked for prints so it could be analyzed as soon as possible.  
  
As far as the apartment went, it was a small one-room apartment, with the tub and toilet right next to the bed. Sam figured if the girl were laying at just the right angle in bed, the girl could fry eggs on her stove and shave her legs in the bathtub at the same time. Unfortunately, the only objects of use that they could find were books of all types. These books ranged from African culture to the classics to almost 20 psychology and sociology related books. There was no phone in the apartment and there was only one light.  
  
Danny opened up the discussion by relaying to Vivian and Martin what they'd found at Melanie's place. The team's consensus was that she was still in the city at this point.  
  
Vivian and Martin returned full of information as well. Vivian started off, listing their most important information first.  
  
"She had four professors at least twice and she worked with two of them on that research project. She won a fellowship and an award for the project as well."  
  
"Which professors were these?" asked Danny.  
  
"Christine Mackenzie and Jonathan Raymond. Dr. Mackenzie is the department head of Psychology. We spoke with her, but Dr. Raymond was at some appointment in Albany and won't be back until this afternoon. His assistant, Clayton Hodges, was there and we spoke with him briefly."  
  
"Clayton Hodges?" Sam said incredulously.  
  
This elicited a raised eyebrow from Vivian.  
  
"Yeah. Know him?" she asked.  
  
"No - I, I think I read about him in one of these reports," said Sam quickly while shuffling through some papers. "Ah. Maybe it isn't him. I'll double check when we're done."  
  
"Thanks. Hodges is working towards his doctorate and looked like he'd been working on his dissertation a bit too long. He told us his paper is on social behavior and he kept using passing students as examples."  
  
"Yeah like right now, the way Sam's head is cocked to the side shows she is interested and alert, but the pencil tapping also shows that she is anxious," said Martin with a smug grin. He quickly shrugged his shoulders as everyone turned and gave him questioning looks and raised eyebrows.  
  
"What?" he said, leaning on his desk with a boyish smile.  
  
"Anyway, he said he'd spoken with Melanie around the time of her supposed disappearance," stated Vivian.  
  
"She was kind of off," Hodges replied while rolling up his sleeves. "Compared to some of the professors around here, she was one of the most normal people I've worked with I months. It was very easy to detect that something was wrong. She kept shuffling about, wouldn't maintain eye contact - clearly demonstrating that she was bothered by something that had just happened, but she wouldn't tell me what was wrong."  
  
"What did she come by for?"  
  
"I think she was looking for Dr. Thompson, but I couldn't tell. All of their offices are located in the same general area, so this is mainly an assumption."  
  
"Who is Dr. Thompson?"  
  
"He is one of the new sociology professors around here. Kind of tall, shaggy hair, very friendly. All the students love him."  
  
"Do you know where he is right now?" asked Martin. Hodges checked the clock. "He should just be getting out of class right now, you could check by his office. It's right around that way," he motioned with his hand. He grabbed a coffee cup and filled it with a strong brew.  
  
"Want any?"  
  
"Nah, we're good thanks. So, where were you Wednesday night?" asked Martin.  
  
"Wednesday? Mmm. Dr. Raymond and I met at the bar up the street and played pool for an hour or two. Dr. Thompson was coming too, but he had a migraine so he took a rain check. I headed back to my apartment after that."  
  
"What bar was this?"  
  
"The Wilted Rose."  
  
"Great name. How well do you know Dr. Raymond?" asked Vivian.  
  
"Pretty well. I've been here for the past two years, so I've gotten to witness the man and his magic."  
  
"Magic?"  
  
"Oh yes. Raymond's a great guy. Very charismatic. One of those people that in a room full of hundreds he could single you out and make you feel as though you were the only one there. He's quite a charmer with the ladies. Helps me out a bit. But uh, we used to go to the park and run little experiments on people. It was an attempt to see how one's behavior can affect the outcome of any situation."  
  
"Sounds exciting," said Martin with a hint of sarcasm. Vivian turned away to smile.  
  
"Oh you have no idea," said an oblivious Hodges, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. He was one of those men that if he wouldn't act like a geek all the time, he would be very attractive. Kind of the Steve Urkel syndrome. "Listen, I'm sorry to cut this short, but I've got to get to the library."  
  
"Did he really go to the library?" asked Jack.  
  
"Couldn't tell. He was headed in the general direction though," replied Martin.  
  
"We may be speaking with him later. If he was the last person to see Melanie, he probably knows where she is," said Jack.  
  
"No doubt," said Vivan. "Dr. Thompson said he hadn't seen her since Monday and she seemed fine then. He's only known her since the beginning of this year, and hasn't really worked with her much."  
  
"Did he know why she was looking for him?" asked Danny.  
  
"We don't even know if she was. That was speculation on Hodges' part," said Martin.  
  
"Gotchya. So, where was he Wednesday?" countered Danny.  
  
"He's epileptic. Gets migraines as a side effect from the epilepsy and all the medication. His story is that he was in fact at his hotel that night."  
  
"Hotel?" asked Sam with a furrowed brow.  
  
"Oh yes, hotel. Seeing as he only moved here in August, he hasn't 'gotten around' to finding an apartment yet. Apparently he's friends with the owner of the hotel, got a deal," said Martin making various hand movements. "Did you get anything else on him?" said Jack.  
  
"Yes, actually he isn't as big a fan of Dr. Raymond as his lackey is. His words were much less praising of Raymond's abilities, but could confirm that he had in fact worked closely with Melanie in the past few months."  
  
"What about the other one - Dr. Mackenzie?" asked Sam.  
  
"Dr. Mackenzie said only wonderful things about Melanie," said Vivian. "Apparently she was one of the most promising students they'd had in years. This was the first time in almost ten years since the school had received any substantial merit for their work."  
  
"We couldn't get much more out of her. Seeing as it is the end of the quarter, it was crunch time and she had three hundred essays left."  
  
"It's not like they read them anyway," said Danny stacking his notes in order.  
  
"She had Raymond most recently before she took off a quarter," said Sam as she scanned her notes. "He is the one she spent the most time with on the project as well."  
  
"Yeah Viv, I want you and Martin to check him out," said Jack. "Bring him in if you need to. Samantha did you ever get in touch with the grandmother?"  
  
She looked up and shook her head. "No, I'll keep trying though. No one is answering the phone."  
  
"Well, you and Danny, as soon as you are finished processing what we found in her apartment, I want you to look into this project she was working on. I am going to get Troy Harris and that Hodges kid in here for a friendly little chat."  
  
They dispersed again, Danny remained with Sam at the table.  
  
"Sam can you hand me her schedule?" he asked while sorting through a pile of books. Sam's head was bent, she was reading one of the files. It read that Melanie had been awarded the Dubois Fellowship for her work in adolescent female study. Sam's face grew hot immediately, the blood rushing to her head. She stood abruptly, not listening to Danny's request. Danny watched her leave with a puzzled look then reached across the table, sighing.  
  
She took off for Jack's office, but instead of taking a left turn, she proceeded to the end of the hallway and walked into the ladies' room. She felt like her face was on fire and there were elephants jumping up and down inside her head. Bringing fresh water to her brow and letting it spill down her face, she repeated the move a few more times then turned off the facet, bracing herself on the counter. Fortunately, the room was empty and left her the luxury of not looking insane while she walked around in a circle, trying calm down. Melburne, the Dubois Fellowship, having Raymond repeatedly, Hodges - Sam shook her head. It couldn't be what she thought. There was no way this was happening. Her head pounded with each breath, each step. The room was starting to spin. She leaned against the wall, hoping that her surroundings would come back into focus. 


	4. this problem

A/N - I have to stop writing this. Spending way too much time on this sucker. Okay, this chapter is very - all over the place. Just don't blink, or you'll miss something. Once again, thanks for the fantastic response guys. It is very encouraging. Rock on! Oh I don't own starbucks, cambridge or NYU. Or the characters.  
  
~~~~~  
  
"Is there a party going on or what?" asked Danny as he took a seat at his desk. His gaze followed Sam as she walked towards Vivian who was waiting outside Jack's office.  
  
Martin smiled, "I wish. Jack called me back to run background checks on the professors and he and Vivian came back wanting half the school."  
  
"He should've interviewed them there. I don't understand why he's bringing them all in," said Danny.  
  
"It's only four people. The professors kept claiming they were busy and wouldn't speak with us, and the kid, well, he figured he'd get them up in one foul swoop."  
  
"I get that, I just grow tired of this process every time," said Danny. "We talk to the people, they hold back information. Something happens and 'Oh, I never told you that. Whoops.' We could work so much faster if they would be straight with us the first time around." He leaned back in his chair and stretched. This case was getting on his nerves. He couldn't tell if she ran away, or if she was kidnapped and these people weren't giving him what he wanted.  
  
"No kidding," agreed Martin. "Did you hear what Samantha found?" Danny shook his head. "She finally got in touch with the grandmother. The woman hasn't seen her in a year, and wasn't worried in the slightest. She told Samantha to 'hold tight. She'll show up. She always does.'"  
  
"So the girl has done this before?"  
  
"Apparently, but this was when she lived back at home. She would have to have completely different circumstances this time around for her to just pick up and go. You should have seen Sam. She almost threw the phone across the room when she was done talking with the old bag. Quite humorous," smirked Martin.  
  
"I don't know," said Danny, shaking his head. "Sam's in a funk. You know how she gets. 'No man can do right' in that kind of mood. Whatever, I will never in my life understand women."  
  
"I don't think we're meant to," said Martin, glancing in Sam's direction.  
  
Sam waited for Vivian to come back out of Jack's office. Vivian opened the door shaking her head.  
  
"We can't get a thing on any of the men. This girl has all but vanished. Did you get a trace on when she was last at her apartment?" she asked.  
  
"I tried speaking with forensics but one of the techs kept talking about getting this machine to detect the smells in her apartment and he was trying to match up her scent to what they found and by that they could try to date when she was there last," Sam stopped at the perplexed look on Vivian's face. She smiled and shook her head, "I got lost so he told me to check back in an hour."  
  
"Sounds good to me. I'm going to recheck all the hospitals again to make sure she hasn't come in recently."  
  
"Yeah, I'm waiting for Jack to finish up with the boyfriend," she said as she looked in at the young man sitting in one of Jack's black leather chairs.  
  
"So, Troy. I understand you want to become a minister."  
  
"Yes that's right."  
  
"And Melanie was looking at becoming a political analyst? Interesting combination."  
  
"Actually, Anna thinks that Melanie should. She'd be great at it, but I really think that Melanie is going to be a lobbyist. She interned briefly with one of those non-profit organizations for children in D.C. over the summer. Kids are her passion," Troy smiled. "We don't have that much spare time, but when we do, we go to our church and help out with the day care program. The kids love her a lot, they're always drawing her pictures to take home and everything. She keeps a notebook with every single drawing," he started to frown, blinking back tears.  
  
"Did you know she had an apartment in the city?" asked Jack quietly. He wanted to remain as casual and non-confrontational as possible. The young man furrowed his brow as if remembering.  
  
"Oh my gosh. I didn't even think about it. I've only been there once and that was almost a year ago."  
  
"Did you stay the night?"  
  
"Goodness no. We are both strong advocates for no premarital sex. It wouldn't do much for my image either as a minister if we gave into our temptations now."  
  
"So were you two looking at getting married?"  
  
He grinned sheepishly. "We haven't spoken of it directly, I mean we talk about the future, but never in that much detail."  
  
"You're afraid?" offered Jack.  
  
"No, we uh, well. I think it was more on her part. At least, from what I could tell recently,"  
  
"How so?"  
  
"I keep replaying this over and over in my mind and I still can't get the gist of it. The last time I saw her we had this big argument about her wanting to transfer to NYU. I kept asking her why she wanted to leave and she wouldn't tell me. I asked if we were still going to stay together and she kept saying yes, but that she had to leave."  
  
"You have no idea why she wanted to transfer?"  
  
"All this mess started around the end of that wretched project. The stress, anger, isolation - all of it," he said with a huff.  
  
"Do you know which professor she worked more closely with?"  
  
"During different times it was different ones, Dr. Raymond was more hands on with their subjects, always out there, a very congenial man. Dr. Mackenzie was more the brains behind the whole thing. She's one of the most brilliant people I've ever met. But yeah, Mel worked closely with both of them, but its not like they were great friends or anything."  
  
"Do you know anything about Dr. Thompson?"  
  
"Yeah he's a cool guy, he'll play pick-up soccer games with me and the guys occasionally. Melanie had him last quarter I think. They got along really well from what I could tell."  
  
Jack glanced at the door and saw Sam waiting for him.  
  
"Excuse me a moment, I'll be right back," Jack got up from his chair and quickly opened the door.  
  
Sam looked up over her file and smiled. "How's it going in there?" she asked.  
  
"Pretty good. I think the kid is good to go. My youngest looks more guilty than he does."  
  
"Yeah, I just came to tell you that both he and Thompson checked out for the Wednesday night. Harris' roommates and RA said they were studying that night, and Thompson's hotel buddy checked on him every hour to make sure he was doing all right."  
  
"Thanks. I already spoke with Raymond and I have Mackenzie and that Hodges guy next," he said leaning against the wall.  
  
"How was Raymond?" she asked with a sideways look. She'd been at the lab when he was interviewed. "I haven't heard much on him."  
  
"He checked out all right, but I can't quite put a finger on what it is about him. He is very skilled in dealing with people. Knows what to say, when to say it, the proper display of emotion. He had a very calculated, deliberate in response. I can see where that would come off as being charismatic, but I think it is much more of a learned trait than natural."  
  
Sam nodded her head, remaining quiet.  
  
"I want him followed tonight. We'll figure that out once I'm done. Hey, I know Viv went to check on the hospitals, but can you tell her to come in here when she's done?"  
  
"Will do," Sam strode away, heading towards her desk.  
  
"I have a present for you," said Martin, leaning over her desk.  
  
"If it barks or requires water I don't want it," she shot back with a grin.  
  
"Well, I'm glad I kept my receipt. Just in case you rejected me, I brought you an angst-filled CD. Enjoy," he plopped it down on her desk and walked back to the conference table.  
  
Sam relayed Jack's message to Vivian and got ready to listen to the song that was playing in Melanie's apartment.  
  
"Hey Sam?" said Danny as he unglued his eyes from the computer screen.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Have you taken a break in a while?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Do you want to take it now?" he asked with the right amount of sweetness.  
  
Knowing where this was headed, she rolled her eyes. "What do you want from Starbucks?"  
  
"Grande Toffee Nut Frappaccino. You're great Sam," he said while handing her a five and giving her a 100 watt smile.  
  
"I know I am. Does anyone want anything else?" she asked. She took Martin and Vivian's orders and made her way to the exit of the building. Danny knew her way too well. She knew he just wanted her to get out of there and take a break. Who knew men had intuition?  
  
She walked into the shop full of caffeine addicts and coffee fiends, scanning the room as she always did when she entered a new atmosphere. It was sad the way someone becomes so used to their job that it carries over into outside life - little things like scanning a room for suspicious people or looking for all available exits when entering a building.  
  
She placed her order and got Jack an expresso. She stood off to the side waiting for the drinks with her eyes transfixed to a cranberry orange muffin; her mind slowly falling back into the abyss of which it had just climbed out hour before.  
  
"Samantha Spade," said a familiar voice from behind her, sending shivers up her spine. She turned around with a guarded look.  
  
"Hello Clay."  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
Jack sat with Dr. Mackenzie for ten minutes, learning briefly about the project and what exactly it entailed; how involved it was and how much Melanie did.  
  
"She's a great kid, Agent Malone. When she won that award she was completely shocked. Melanie earned it though, every bit of respect and esteem, she deserved it."  
  
"This award, it went along with the fellowship?" Jack asked, easing back into his chair.  
  
"Not always. The Dubois Fellowship awards students who are nationally recognized as exemplary scholars who have made extraordinary advances in their field of study. Only ten students out of the nation receive this fellowship, and spend the summer at Cambridge University with the world's leading scientists and doctors. It basically writes your future for you. The Parker Achievement award normally goes with the Dubois Fellowship, but has been awarded separately in the past. Parker and Dubois were two rich old men who did a lot of scientific research in about ten areas of medicine and psychology. They died, and now their money goes for the cause of improving the future."  
  
"Sounds wonderful in theory," Jack said.  
  
Dr. Mackenzie laughed. For a woman nearing her sixties, she appeared to be on the early end of her forties. "No, it really is. I've had the opportunity to meet with some of these students who win awards like this. They are utterly devoted to their work, making advances in areas that have sometimes been deemed obsolete."  
  
"Didn't you have a student win a while ago?"  
  
"Yes. She was outstanding. She had this ability to empathize with patients and those she worked with in the study. It was insane - the amount of compassion she had for others," she said wistfully. "She'd come back wracked with sobbing just from staying around these women, even men, who were abuse victims."  
  
"Sounds like a great girl. What happened to her?"  
  
"I can't really tell you. She ended up turning down the fellowship and transferring to another school. We lost contact after that," she ended with a frown.  
  
"Must have been hard, seeing that kind of effort and talent wasted."  
  
"Oh it wasn't wasted. I can assure you she turned out all right. Most of my students do wonderfully once they get out and find their feet."  
  
"I bet they do," he agreed. He looked at the clock, 3:15. "I have a few more questions for you and I think we'll be finished here," he said, opening up a notebook that contained his notes. "Do you and Dr. Raymond work closely on many projects?"  
  
"I work as closely with him as I do my other associates. Sometimes we co- write articles together and submit them to various journals. But I've done that with all my colleagues. He is an excellent teacher, I assure you."  
  
"Have you ever had any reports against him?"  
  
"Never. The faculty at this school adheres to a strict conduct code with students. The rules are rarely broken."  
  
"I am merely covering the bases, Dr. Mackenzie. And his graduate assistant Clayton Hodges, what about him?"  
  
"Clayton used to go to school here about ten years ago, graduated, earned a lot of money and started his own business in investigating or research. Very bright man," she said, crossing her arms. "He closed up shop and came back in search of a new beginning and Dr. Raymond gladly took him as a pupil."  
  
"And when is the last time you saw Melanie?"  
  
"I was coming out of my office headed towards a meeting," she recollected. "I guess in the hallway with Clayton. She was speaking with him about something."  
  
"About what time would you say that was?"  
  
"I usually get out of there rather late. I want to say close to seven. Yes it was about ten of seven be cause I was running late," she looked away. "I'm not the most punctual person in the world."  
  
Jack finished up with Dr. Mackenzie then went out to check on the crew. Hodges was next up, but Jack wanted a break. "Hey Viv how you coming with the hospital check?"  
  
"I've had three different places say they've seen her. The problem is that none of the accounts are accurate, and the person I'm with right now has kindly let me listen to Kenny G for the last five minutes."  
  
"Lucky you," he grinned. "Come give me a hand in a couple of minutes will ya?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Danny, what's going on?"  
  
"Martin and I were brainstorming. I think she ran away. She couldn't handle the stress and all the expectations, so she up and left."  
  
"Nah, I think something happened at that school to trigger her leaving like that," said Martin. "Everyone says she was a responsible girl. Some of those professors seem a little off, but its all a matter of perspective."  
  
"I think you are right about the trigger," said Jack resting on the table. "I have a pretty good idea as to what it was. I just need to wait to see if my hunch is confirmed."  
  
"You think Hodges had something to do with this?"  
  
"I'm about to find out," said Jack. He glanced in the direction of his office when he saw Samantha walking down the hallway, hands full and a blank expression.  
  
"Samantha to the rescue," said Danny as he received his drink.  
  
"Hey what can I say, I'm here to serve," she replied with a sarcastic tone. She passed out the rest of the drinks, receiving gratuitous smiles and 'thank yous' in return. Jack returned to his office shortly thereafter and commenced questioning Clayton Hodges, who happened to arrive no more than five minutes after Sam.  
  
She sat down at her desk and just sort of stared. She couldn't quite focus on anything because the thoughts in her mind kept bouncing back and forth, telling her contradicting things. She felt herself wandering back 15 minutes to her not brief enough conversation with Clayton Hodges.  
  
"Long time no see," he smiled, offering his hand. She took it briefly and tried to disregard the fleeting sensation to get out of coffee shop as soon as possible.  
  
"Not long enough," she replied archly. Feigning ignorance, she asked for his reason on being in that part of the city at such an odd hour."  
  
"I have a meeting," he replied. Just as enigmatic as always. Things never change. His glasses were gone, his suit fit him perfectly and he had taken a shower. Amazing what a couple hours could do for a person. "What brings you up north? Last time I checked you were in Washington."  
  
"Well, let's just say I'm here on business," she was glad her badge was on the inside of her jacket, hidden from the general public and curious eyes.  
  
They maintained a civil conversation until her order was called up. "Listen, I have to get back. Caffeine junkies at work won't wait."  
  
"I always knew you'd make a great secretary," he said, giving her another once over.  
  
"Don't you know it. Well, have a great day," she said, grabbing the cardboard tray quickly.  
  
Her hands went to her temples and massaged as she tried to work away the oncoming headache. She sighed quietly and sat back in her chair, taking a sip of her drink. She knew what she was supposed to do when an agent could be traced to a case. Remove herself immediately. Putting the earphones on and pushing play, she brushed her thoughts aside and let the music sink in. She listened to the song over and over again, getting different feelings each time around.  
  
The song opened up with a dark melody and then went straight to a crashing chorus. A heavy beat kept the pulse with electronica flow peppering the song, and the girls voice was pure, but tormented.  
  
Watching me wanting me  
  
I can feel you pull me down  
  
Saving me raping me  
  
Watching me  
  
Sam listened to the rest of the cd, and feeling a tear escape, she pulled off the earphones and quickly wiped the tear away. She knew what she had to do. It was now or never. Her phone rang causing her to jump slightly. It was forensics. They couldn't find a match with any scent from her apartment to her dorm that was recent. They did find however, tobacco and physical traces of it around her apartment. A specific tobacco blend - Black Cavendish- for pipes. They called around and followed it to a local shop. She swallowed the huge knot forming in her throat as she hung up the phone.  
  
Danny got up from the table and walked over to his desk, grabbing his other favorite pen. He stopped when he got a look at Sam.  
  
"Hey you okay?" he asked quietly.  
  
Without blinking or betraying any feeling, she looked him straight in the eye. "I'm fine," she offered with a small smile. 


	5. when I

A/N Wow, the feedback has been overwhelming. Thank you all for taking the time to read this. I know as much as you all want this to be a shipper story, I maintain that I am trying my hardest to keep the structure of the show in mind. Also, I know nothing of New York, so if a location is off or wrong, pretend that it is right. I am nervous about posting this, so feel free to speak your peace. Anyway, enjoy.  
  
~~~~  
  
Jack watched Clayton Hodges explain what he was doing in the hallway with Melanie Myers. He only halfway paid attention to his words; he was focused intently on his eyes and his hands. Interrogating people was what he was best at. The secret to finding the truth was in the eyes; but when those lie, which they sometimes do, he watched the hands. No matter how excellent of a liar someone may be, a part of their body must be otherwise employed should they be in the act of fabricating a lie. If this lie has been practiced, the body part in question would tend to move with each practiced step or fidget until a new point was made.  
  
At this point Hodges checked out all right. He'd been at his apartment following his evening with Dr. Raymond and had a solid testimony from the desk clerk at his building. Something Dr. Mackenzie said struck a chord with Jack though. Hodges used to do investigative work, an area in which those who major in Psychology do not tend to associate. The background check never specified what type of investigating Hodges did, but Jack knew that Hodges would have learned a thing or two when it came to questioning others.  
  
Jack could tell Hodges was hiding something, but after spending nearly twenty-five minutes with him, he knew he was going to have to start asking questions that would require a lawyer to be present. Jack took his glasses off and placed them on his desk, he needed to end this conversation as soon as possible. Only a few questions left.  
  
"How long have you known Dr. Raymond?" Jack asked.  
  
"Since my undergrad years. I met him when I was about twenty I believe," said Hodges, looking Jack directly in the eyes.  
  
"And you came back to school because?"  
  
"People keep asking me that," said Hodges in a tone that created the appearance of indifference. "Well, I came back to the city a couple of years ago, wasn't happy at all. Gave Dr. Raymond a call and he said he'd love to have me back, so I figured why not. I'm thinking teaching may be my next venture."  
  
"Can't settle down?"  
  
"I guess that's what you'd call it. I'm not a big fan of commitment. You get burned too many times and there's only so much more you can take you know?"  
  
"Sure do," said Jack, putting his glasses back on.  
  
"What was your relationship with Melanie like?"  
  
"Pretty casual I guess. We'd get coffee sometimes and chat, but I more or less helped her out when some of the cases got bad."  
  
"What was she like to work with?"  
  
"She was very eager I guess you'd say. She was like a sponge. Soaked up everything in her path, which was good for studying, because her schedule left little time for that."  
  
"Yeah her schedule looked pretty heavy. Why'd she all of a sudden just stop?"  
  
"I think it was a combination of things. She had a lot of pressure on her for the project and I think something may have happened with one of her teachers that caused her some unwanted stress. If anything she needed a break from it all. It's not like she couldn't afford to take off a quarter, like you said - her schedule was heavy."  
  
"Could you tell she was distraught the last time you saw her?"  
  
"Yes. She was having problems focusing, I'd have to repeat questions or give her the same answer twice."  
  
"Did she normally come over to the psych wing during this time?"  
  
"Oh no. I hadn't seen her in a few weeks, that's why I was talking to her. It takes a lot to get me out of the books these days," he smiled.  
  
"I understand completely," Jack nodded. "Approximately what time did you see her?"  
  
"I'd say about 6 or 6 fifteen."  
  
"And how long did you speak with her?"  
  
"No more than ten minutes," said Hodges. Jack glanced at his eyes then followed his hands as he spoke. "She was talking about her summer plans and what classes she was going to take next. She offered to help me get one of these obscure books I haven't been able to find."  
  
Jack kept his head down as he bit his lip. He wanted to keep Hodges here, but there wasn't anything solid enough to make him stay.  
  
"Do you know if Melanie was having any problems with her boyfriend Troy?" he asked, thinking of a different route.  
  
"Yeah, they were going through a rough patch recently, I think they'd had an argument before she stopped by. They probably broke up. From what I could tell she was going to talk to Dr. Thompson about something or other."  
  
"Yes, we spoke with him. He didn't see her at all that day," Jack said, growing tired of going around in circles.  
  
"Oh," said Hodges with a tone of surprise that would almost sound normal. "Well, I don't know where she was going then. The only other offices over there are Dr. Raymond and Dr. Whickba."  
  
Martin walked quickly down the hallway, holding a set of photos in his hand. He reached Jack's office and quickly opened the door.  
  
"I'm sorry, but can I speak with you a moment Jack?"  
  
"Excuse me," said Jack as he rose and walked out side. "What's going on?"  
  
"There just so happens to be a camera in the very hallway that Melanie and Hodges were speaking in. At 6:34 they start talking. At 6:38, Dr. Raymond, at the other end of the hallway enters the building and goes to what appears to be his office. Melanie starts walking around, pacing a little. They continue to speak for a little while longer then you see Dr. Mackenzie leave at 6:47. Dr. Thompson leaves at 6:50; then, we have Melanie exit the building at 6:53. Their cars aren't parked far away, so logically if they'd left right after, Melanie wouldn't have been able to speak with either of them,"  
  
"Okay so we know she doesn't have anything to do with those two - at least not right after."  
  
"Wait, here's the kicker. Instead of going back inside the room where he was working, Hodges goes down to Raymond's office. Two minutes later he leaves the building."  
  
"Well, it seems like someone went for a refreshing little drive. Go show that to Danny. I think he was processing some of her dorm information. I want to know if there are any photos that match up to that time frame."  
  
"Gotchya," Martin strode away confidently.  
  
Jack took a seat at his desk once again. "Okay, so Melanie left you around what time?"  
  
"I'd say around 6:30ish, give or take."  
  
"And what'd you do right after that?"  
  
"I was going to take a break later that evening with Dr. Raymond, so I went back to finish up some of my notes."  
  
"About what time did you take off?"  
  
"I'd say 7:30."  
  
"That's funny, because we have you leaving at 7:00, right after Melanie. Care to explain?" Jack said, hoping to trip him up.  
  
"Oh, I was at one of the coffee shops around the corner. I left my keys there and I ran back to get them," Jack nodded, smooth cover.  
  
"About what time did you return?"  
  
"Mmmm, ten minutes." Jack frowned. He wasn't getting anywhere. This guy was too good at dodging questions for any accidental information to be released. He noticed that Hodges had developed some of Dr. Raymond's mannerisms. His way of speaking and all movement was very exact, not hasty by any means. Jack needed more evidence before trying to bake Hodges. He'd get it, he just didn't know how long.  
  
"Well, I think we're about done here for now. If I need anything else you'll be sure to hear from us," he said while standing. He led Hodges to his door and shook the man's hand.  
  
"I hope you find her Agent Malone," said Hodges shaking his hand firmly. "She's a wonderful woman. I just hope nothing's happened to her."  
  
"Me too," said Jack. Hodges walked away in a smooth, self-assured walk.  
  
Jack picked up the phone to call his wife. He wouldn't be coming home until late that night.  
  
Martin hung up the phone quickly and ran to Jack's office. "Jack, we just got a call from Anna Stanton, Melanie's best friend. Melanie just tried calling Anna on her cell phone."  
  
Jack smiled. "I want you and Viv to bring Anna in. We need that phone as well as Troy. She'll probably be calling him soon as well."  
  
"Will do," Martin walked past Samantha as she headed towards Jack's office. She walked right past his office and down to the end of the hallway. She was mentally preparing herself for the conversation she was about to have with Jack. She walked back and forth, ignoring looks that she got from those who passed by. She also needed to get away from Danny. She felt him watching her for the last five minutes, trying to make sure she was all right. Of course she was fine. She always was.  
  
Five minutes later, Sam walked directly into Jack's office and planted her feat firmly beside his desk. Jack's head was buried in his notes, memorizing everything that Hodges said. He always liked to look over his notes right after an interview. It made the superfluous information disappear and helped all that was imperative become engraved in his mind.  
  
Sam couldn't wait any longer for him to look up. If she didn't do it now, she wouldn't have enough guts to do it later.  
  
Without sugar coating or dancing around the point, she went straight for the kill. "Jack, I would like to request that I be transferred from this case," she said firmly, happy that she'd gotten it out.  
  
Jack's head shot up as though he'd heard a gun shot. What?  
  
"I'm sorry, I thought you just said you wanted to be transferred to a different case."  
  
"I did," she went no further. Jack sighed and took his glasses off once again. He was too tired to be getting smacked upside the head with situations like this. There were normally about three reasons for requesting a transfer, two of which had to do with conflict over the situation at hand, another was purely personal.  
  
"May I ask why?" he looked at her, studying her response. Her hands were clasped together, like they were super glued.  
  
"If at all possible I would like that to remain confidential," she said, returning the stern look.  
  
"Once you file the request, I'm going to know anyway."  
  
"Well until that time comes I would like to maintain the right to remove myself from the case," she stepped no further, nor made any other comment. Jack kept eye contact, trying to see if he could read her, like he'd done so easily in the past. This time however, it was impossible. He could tell she was determined and unwilling to go any further.  
  
"Well, you can-" he was cut short by the phone ringing.  
  
"Yeah?" it was Vivian.  
  
"Are you serious?"  
  
"Yeah bring them with you. We'll meet you there."  
  
"What street? Okay."  
  
He hung up the phone and stood up quickly. He didn't know what to do about Sam. She looked at him inquisitively, waiting for him to say something.  
  
"What do you want me to do?" she asked.  
  
"Well, she's apparently at the top of a twenty-seven story building at 78th and 2nd avenue. The road is blocked off now and NYPD has properly identified her. I don't want to make this decision Sam. If you think you should go, then I want you there. It's your call."  
  
Sam stood there for about twenty seconds going over in her brain what exactly could be happening. If she went, she could possibly be risking her career. She knew something was going to come out by the end of this. On the other hand, there was a girl at the top of a building who thought there was no way out. Life over career?  
  
"I'm going," she said, looking back up at Jack.  
  
"You sure?" he said, giving her a chance to back out.  
  
"No, but what do you want me to do?"  
  
Jack smiled as he held the door open for her. "Get Danny and meet me downstairs. The kid is suicidal."  
  
~~~~  
  
The car pulled up right beside the barriers that had quickly been placed at the edge of the street. Cops were everywhere, directing traffic, moving walkers on their way. Jack looked over at Sam in the front seat, figuring what he should do.  
  
"Here's the deal. Danny I want you to find Viv and Martin and get back to me as soon as possible. I'll be over there," said Jack as he motioned towards a detective talking with some other policemen beside a fire truck. "Don't forget your plugs."  
  
"Okay," Danny got out of the car and flipped open his phone, giving Vivian a call.  
  
Jack looked over at Sam while he inserted his earplug. She was staring at her hands that were placed in her lap, looking out the window occasionally. He switched on the small device that would connect him with the rest of his agents and turned towards Sam.  
  
"You're the one who knows what's going on here," he said. "Would it be a mistake if I let you go?"  
  
"Did Troy say anything about her being distant?" Sam asked out of the blue. Not following her in anyway, he tried to remember any such detail.  
  
"Yeah, well, you know about the isolation, but he said she hadn't been very open with him lately," he paused, waiting for her to say something more. "So?"  
  
"I don't know Jack," she said quietly. She knew why Melanie was up there, but she knew so much more than that.  
  
"I don't have time for this," he said opening the door. "Stay in here until I get back." He closed the door and walked towards the detective.  
  
~~~~~  
  
Danny walked through the lobby of the building with Detective Flynn. She was a short sturdy woman in her mid-thirties, already stocked with three kids and a mini-van. Danny had worked with her previously and was happy to have come across her in such a chaotic situation.  
  
"How'd she get up there without being noticed?" asked Danny as they walked towards the elevator. Vivian and Martin were already up there, talking with specialized officers.  
  
"From what we could tell, she took the service elevator," she had a strong Boston accent, and never tried to hide it a bit. "It's in a pretty empty hallway. Plus this is some insurance building. Who needs to use a service elevator except for news boys?"  
  
"Right. Did you find anyone else who may be linked to this?"  
  
"You mean anyone suspicious?" she asked as they boarded the crowded elevator.  
  
"Well, yeah."  
  
"Not yet. We got some boys canvassing the two nearest sub stops, but after that, who knows."  
  
"How long has she been up there?"  
  
"No more than an hour. See across the street is a hospital, with helicopters touching down almost twice an hour. They were the ones who reported her."  
  
"I see. Was the door unlocked or what? I don't understand how she just got up there."  
  
"Actually she is on a smoking balcony. She's not at the very top, about two from the top."  
  
"Who do you have out there right now?" Danny asked as they finally reached the correct floor.  
  
"We got an officer trying to calm her down. She's in hysterics. I think one of yours is out there as well."  
  
"Great," said Danny as they approached the balcony. He saw Vivian standing right outside with Martin standing near the railing.  
  
Vivian looked up at Danny shaking her head. "The girl has her legs dangling off the edge. We can't get anywhere near her. Have they set up anything down there?"  
  
"I think they are trying to organize something, but nothing is working. Too many cops and not enough agents."  
  
"Isn't that what always happens?" she said. Martin walked over to them with a grim look on his face.  
  
"Where are Anna and Troy?" asked Danny.  
  
"We left them down in the car with one of the cops," said Martin. "They were both crying like there was no tomorrow."  
  
"I would be too," he said. "Why the hell is there a smoking balcony on the 25th floor?"  
  
"Because they didn't want one on the 24th?" said Martin shrugging his shoulders.  
  
"Hey Jack do you read me?" said Danny as he applied pressure to his ear.  
  
"Clear Danny, what's going on up there?"  
  
Danny relayed the situation to Jack as Vivian and Martin got set-up. They were thinking that Vivian was going to be the one they sent to the girl, but Vivian wasn't as willing seeing as she was afraid of heights and got vertigo easily.  
  
Danny took a look over the side and stepped back quickly. The girl who had a startling resemblance to Samantha Spade had climbed over the edge and walked along a six-inch wide ledge to where she now was, and indent in the building that was only twice as deep. She seemed completely oblivious to the world, as though she was sitting in the dock, soaking her feet in the water. She kicked off her shoe and laughed as it fell quickly to a car parked below.  
  
Fwump! Sam jumped as a loud thud emanated from the vehicle. She got out slowly to make sure nothing else was falling from the sky. Putting her earplug in, she heard Danny speaking with Jack as to what he'd learned. Sam walked over to where the shoe landed after it had bounced to the ground. She picked it up slowly and looked around, noticing everyone else was otherwise employed.  
  
She tapped the heavy shoe against her leg as she walked inside the building. Glancing back one more time through the windows at Jack, she closed her eyes briefly and sighed. She felt the urge to get off at every single floor on her way up, but resisted the entire way until she'd reached her destination. She got off with two officers and an agent she wasn't familiar with and walked slowly through the groups of people, all confused and distraught.  
  
Danny turned at the feel of a pair of eyes on his back. Samantha was standing by the doorway, allowing enough space for people to move in and out. Vivian saw Samantha and walked over to her, asking if she'd be willing to walk out there. With a little experience in this kind of situation, she'd be harnessed in and not being afraid of heights, Sam was the best candidate for the job.  
  
No one knew that an hour ago, Sam was willing to work on another case. That she shouldn't be there, or that the mere presence of her could endanger the whole investigation. But they wouldn't know that because they never asked.  
  
She walked over to the edge and glanced at the young woman and froze as her breath caught in her throat. That young girl was her ten years ago. Without a doubt, the resemblance was too close to leave her to think otherwise. One look at her confirmed what Sam thought all along. She knew that no one else could even imagine how to handle this, at least not from what they knew.  
  
She turned around and walked towards her colleagues with a determined look on her face. She spoke with them briefly as they instructed her on safety and reminded her of what to do in a situation such as this. Another agent walked over and got Sam in a harness, securing it tightly to the strong metal railing.  
  
"Hey Viv, could you hold on to this?" Sam held the shoe out to Vivian who had her back turned from the ledge.  
  
"Sure," she said looking at the shoe curiously. Sam took off her own shoes and stood flatfooted on the ground, glancing at the sunset. The sun was almost setting on that Friday evening, and the city that never slept would remain active, long into the early hours of the morning.  
  
Danny looked at her closely; making sure Sam was okay to go. He didn't feel good about this, but seeing as there was no one else qualified among them to attempt the job, he laid his worries to rest.  
  
"Be careful, out there," he said quietly. She smiled at him positively. Sam felt this alarming sense of calm, as if she'd found her purpose in life. "Don't worry Danny. I'll be fine," she squeezed his hand reassuringly and looked at Martin briefly.  
  
"She hasn't spoken to anyone since we got here, but they said she didn't move when one of their other guys was on the ledge," said Martin, unsure of what to say.  
  
"Thanks," she said and gave him the usual pat on the arm.  
  
Vivian looked at her and smiled. "Just come back in one peace. With the girl - if you can."  
  
"I'll do my best Viv."  
  
Sam walked over to the ledge and looked at Melanie, who just sat there, with tears streaming down her face. Her clothes were dirty and her hands were raw from rubbing.  
  
"Melanie?" said Sam quietly. "Hi Melanie. I'm Special Agent Spade. Can you hear me?"  
  
Melanie didn't answer. She started mumbling to her self but didn't make any movement. Sam threw her legs over the side and swallowed. She'd definitely had brighter days. This was not one of them. She continued speaking with Melanie as she inched her way over to the indented ledge - almost twelve feet away.  
  
Martin watched as Sam kept her back close to the wall, realizing just then that he was holding his breath. His eyes remained focused on her as she slowly made her way over, talking the whole time.  
  
"Hey Danny, Martin. Do you copy?"  
  
"Yeah Jack what is it?" said Martin.  
  
"What's going on up there? Who's walking out on the ledge?"  
  
"It's Sam. Didn't you send her up here?"  
  
"What?" said Jack, alarmed. "Sam is up there," he paused letting it sink in. "She's on that ledge. What the hell were you thinking? Isn't there a more qualified person up there?"  
  
Vivian frowned at Jack's response. She had a feeling Sam wasn't supposed to be up there. "No Jack," said Vivian. "They also have a jumper on Brooklyn Bridge. It's two-for-one-day in the city."  
  
"I want her down from there as soon as possible. Vivian you are in charge up there. Do what you can."  
  
"Jack, she got Melanie to talk. No one else has. Do you want to risk it?" There was a pause on the other end.  
  
"Whatever. It's your call. I have to stay down here."  
  
"Okay then," Vivian looked over to Sam who'd almost made her way to Melanie.  
  
Melanie kicked off her other shoe and took her sock off as well. She used the sock to wipe off her face, not caring that she'd worn it for the past three days.  
  
"Melanie, what are you doing up here? Don't you want to come stand over there with me?" said Sam calmly. Melanie had only said one phrase so far - 'you wouldn't understand'.  
  
Melanie started teetering back and forth. "Melanie, I need you to stop that okay? Don't do that right now." Sam started to sit down beside Melanie, very slowly.  
  
"Melanie, what happened to you?"  
  
"You wouldn't understand," she said quietly. "You wouldn't un-der-stand," she started to moan progressively louder.  
  
"Melanie, did one of your teachers do something to you?" Sam asked quietly after Melanie calmed back down.  
  
"You wouldn't understand," she sniffed, wiping her nose again with her sock.  
  
"Melanie, look at me," Sam said. "Look at me," she said abruptly, grabbing Melanie's attention. Melanie turned to her slowly and froze at the sight before her. "It's you," she whispered, cupping her mouth with her hand.  
  
Sam turned towards the ledge and yelled, "Hey Martin. I need all of you to take out your earplugs."  
  
"What?" he held his hand to his ear.  
  
"Take out your earplugs," she ordered. Martin turned towards Viv who nodded. They all pulled them out. Sam's pack was behind her where she couldn't reach it. Trying to switch it off would be deadly.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Melanie asked, shocked by the sight of this woman in front of her.  
  
"I came to get you."  
  
"You don't understand. I can't leave here," she said defiantly.  
  
"Why not?" said Sam.  
  
"I'm not supposed to live. I am filthy and disgusting. I only hurt those I love. I have to stay here until it is time," she said while the tears came back again. Sam scooted closer to her, grabbing the girl's hand.  
  
"Listen to me. I know what happened to you. But you will be all right. Everything will be taken care of, you will be fine."  
  
"No I won't. You have no idea the kind of Hell I have been living these past few months. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I'm always afraid," Melanie's voice grew coarse and agitated with each word.  
  
Sam frowned. Keeping her focus on the girl and not the expanse of street below her, she went deep within herself to face her demons once again. Trying to convince this girl to get off this ledge was a daunting task, that she wasn't confident she could handle.  
  
Taking a deep breath, Sam began, "You went to his office to get help on a paper you were writing for Dr. Thompson. He sent you in the back room, the one with a couch and a coffee maker and a small window, to look for a reference manual," Sam paused as she felt Melanie's grasp on her left hand grow tighter. Sam looked at her own hand, white knuckles with long fingers tightly grasping the stone ledge. "There was only one door to the room and it locked on the outside. You, you stood there scanning the bookcase while Dr. Raymond walked into the room and started looking at the bookcase behind he door. He 'accidentally' bumped it while grabbing a book from the top shelf and the door closed, locking you two inside."  
  
Jack listened intently, fearing more and more where this was headed. He didn't hear Sam's request for everyone to remove their earplugs. He only knew that the women sitting on that ledge could be headed in the same direction if one false move was made. He ignored others as they came up to speak with him; his mind completely trained on the two blondes, 25 stories above.  
  
I love being the author. It's great. TBC ;) 


	6. had the

Sorry about the delay, but for some odd reason, a paper longer than this story that was due Friday took precedent. I am now aware that the affair has been revealed, but don't worry, this is still about the case and how Jack has to handle it. I want to thank you all (go Maple St.ers) for reviewing and just being awesome. Next chapter will be more up to date and valid as it will be very much of a mental, mind game. Warning: I hated writing this chapter, I feel gross. Hope it isn't too bad. Enjoy. I guess;)  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Martin paced back and forth, watching Sam talk to Melanie, then glanced at Vivian talking with a psychiatrist. He frowned. They'd been out there for almost ten minutes. Talking. Ten minutes is nothing when you're driving or watching a movie, but when you're 25 stories up, ten minutes doesn't even have a time to which it can be compared. They sat there with their feet dangling off the edge, chatting - who knows.  
  
Danny kept his eyes trained on Samantha the whole time. He was trying to figure out what she was talking about. He was starting to get a headache from squinting west into the sun and it didn't help that the glass from the building was reflecting the bright light either. If it weren't under the same circumstances he'd even think the scene brilliant - the two blond haired women sitting on a ledge with a fireball orange glow setting behind them. He was glad that Sam's harness was on tightly, but the one for Melanie was still hanging on Sam's shoulder, waiting to be carefully placed around the young woman.  
  
He smiled realizing he'd just found out what Melanie said. It was something like -  
  
"It wasn't even that bad, but afterwards, he was in my head. He still is. I can't get him out. Constantly berating me, making me feel filthy. I couldn't even remember what had happened for three weeks. Every time I went back to that afternoon, my mind would blank out."  
  
"Then it started coming back in dreams right?" said Sam.  
  
"Yeah, like I'd feel his hand on my leg, or him unbuttoning my shirt and I'd wake up," she paused, swallowing the lump in her throat. "I'd wake up and nothing would be there, except for Anna. I'd still be able to hear him though. It's like his goal in life is to manipulate people to see what they will do under his influence."  
  
"It's like he hypnotizes you," agreed Sam. "Did he really do everything the way I said it?"  
  
"Basically," she said, pausing to decide whether or not she should continue. "Dr. Raymond came over and handed me the book then he made a comment about my perfume, which he'd never done before. Just the way he said it, like it was a habit of his to note what I wore. He'd always been very - professional before. He went over the door and tried to open it, like he was going to go back to work and it was locked. We tried banging on the door for a good five - ten minutes," Melanie was talking quietly now. For the first time in two and a half months, she was walking through everything that occurred that afternoon.  
  
Her eyes were focused on her feet, unable to look Sam in the eyes. "I remember going to sit on the couch and was looking through the book. He was leaning against one of the bookcases, looking out that small window then he turned on the CD player, and I think he had Vivaldi playing," she paused to look at Sam who nodded in agreement. "He started talking about one of the mothers that we'd worked with at a battered wife shelter. We only briefly discussed cases, never in much detail, but he was repeating this conversation he'd had with her about what her husband would do to her. Stuff like duct taping her to the tub for a weekend and he'd dump fire ants on her. One time, he pulled out all of her toe nails and tied her up to the back of his truck and made her run barefooted for three miles because she didn't make dinner on time," Melanie frowned thinking about the young woman.  
  
"Out of the blue, Dr. Raymond asked me what happened to my parents, and I told him they'd died in a fire. But he didn't stop, he kept asking me more questions like why I didn't go back and save them or why I never woke them up and I started crying, bawling really. He came over apologizing; saying he didn't mean for me to feel guilty, he just wanted me to 'explore my feelings of resentment.' He sat on the couch closer to me than you are now and his voice got really low. He started talking about the first time he'd seen me, he knew I'd be the one to finish his plan," she looked up briefly at Sam, whose eyes were fixed intently on her. "And I was already crying by then, he said so many horrible things that I can't even repeat, I didn't even feel him when he wrapped his arm around me or when he grabbed my hand. I told him I was fine, but he wouldn't scoot away, so I stood up."  
  
She paused for a minute and covered her face with her hands. Sam rubbed her back not trying to pressure the girl in anyway. The last thing Sam needed was for Melanie to kirk out and jump. Sam was going to take it nice and slow.  
  
"You don't have to go any further if you don't want to," Sam whispered. "I know what happened."  
  
"No. It's just that, I can't do it anymore. I can't live. It's so hard. And thinking about it, just telling you makes it feel less oppressive, but it hurts so badly to relive this."  
  
"Take your time. I'm not here to rush you. If you do plan on staying up here for a while though let me know so I can order take out," Sam quipped, trying to make light of the situation.  
  
Melanie smiled briefly, then looked up at Sam and sighed. "He came over to me and kept talking, and he forced me up against the wall - kept saying how I shouldn't have been smoking that night, that it was all my fault. He said I was horrible for Troy, that I wasn't good enough for him. How he knew I wasn't a virgin and I kept asking him to stop, that he shouldn't be doing this. I had a skirt on that day and a blouse. It was a red blouse. I burned it," Melanie's voice began wavering, her eyes filling with tears once again.  
  
"Dr. Raymond swung me over to the couch and he got on top of me and kept running his hand up my leg. I screamed, but all he would do was slap me. He started talking about my hair and how he loved it and he bent down, so close and he breathed in. He started kissing me, unbuttoning my shirt, and the whole time I was trying to push him off. I got him off one time and I went towards the door, but he grabbed my leg and pulled me down to the ground. He started talking about all the women we'd spoken to, the rape victims, and how he would have done every one of them. He even talked about taking one of his patients into the elevator and screwing her right there. All the while he was undoing his belt and unbuttoning his pants," she stopped breathless.  
  
"I can't, I can't, I can't," she emitted an immutable cry and began sobbing. Those on the balcony turned towards Sam and Melanie in fear of something happening.  
  
Sam grabbed her hand and held it tightly. With her other hand, she brushed the tears away that were streaking down her own face.  
  
"I can't do any more. All I can hear is that music and his voice right next to my ear," Melanie said, barely audible. She leaned into Sam as she wrapped her arms around her carefully. Sam let her cry, trying to forget that the cars and crowds below were stopped and watching them, growing impatient with every minute.  
  
After Melanie's sobs quieted and she pulled away, Sam tried working another approach.  
  
"What'd you do after, after it happened?"  
  
"That's what was so weird, right after he was done, he stood up and straightened himself out, told me to get my ass off the ground and walked back over to the bookcase like nothing happened. Two minutes later, Clayton opened the door looking for Dr. Raymond," she paused briefly. "He was so nonchalant, didn't seem to notice a thing. He held the door for me and I flew out of there."  
  
Sam looked at her sharply and frowned. "I can't believe this at all. Did you go to the hospital or anything when you got out of there?"  
  
Melanie shook her head. Sam knew why she didn't go to the hospital. It was the same reason why she herself never went.  
  
After a minute of silence, Melanie looked back at Sam. "I went back to my dorm and slept for three days. I told Anna I had the flu and I couldn't move. Whenever she'd leave I'd go to the showers and scrub until I was raw from bleeding," she motioned towards her lower legs and feet which still weren't fully healed.  
  
"After that, I finished up what courses I had left, then I took off a quarter. I wanted to transfer out then, but I didn't have the money for that and my dorm is paid until the end of the year."  
  
Sam sat quietly, her mind milling over what she'd just heard. A couple minutes later she asked, "So you didn't get any evidence?"  
  
"Evidence?" said Melanie archly. "Oh, I have evidence. Because of that man I will never marry Troy, or share his dreams. Troy wouldn't want me if he ever found out what happened. But now, he would never, ever want me," she said as she started pounding her fist into the granite.  
  
Picking up on what was wrong, Sam asked for the sake of verification. "Why wouldn't he ever want you?"  
  
"Don't you get it? That scoundrel screwed me without a condom. He wanted to get caught. He wanted it so badly that he didn't care if I got pregnant or not. Troy can't marry a whore with a bastard child now can he?" she yelled angrily. Sam sat, unable to offer anything more than a sympathetic glance.  
  
"Why should I live? What's the point? I realize now that there is no hope in anything. All that sunset means to me is another night full of empty hours and horrific dreams. Raymond got what he wanted. He made another girl want to run off again."  
  
"Another girl? How many were there?" Sam asked aghast.  
  
"Including you and me? Five. People used to say every patient that ever died under his care died because he talked them into it. He almost admitted as much. He's probably down there somewhere, waiting for me to fall off."  
  
"Melanie, look at me," she paused waiting to gain her eye contact. "Do you realize that I am here today, from where you were, to what I am now? I was at rock bottom. But I hated that man so much, that I didn't want him to win. I didn't want him to have the control over my life that he thought he had. I did transfer out. I did finish college and got a masters. Then I picked up and moved down to Washington and started over. If Troy loves you as much as I think he does, then he will help you through this. Quitting right here, this way, is not the answer. You'll just be letting him win. Just another tally in his book of experiments," she stopped, somehow unable to finish.  
  
They sat there in all the silence a busy street and frustrated people could offer. Melanie started kicking her feet back and forth, like they were maneuvering the shafts in her mind.  
  
"I can't do it. I'm so tired. I don't want them to hate me, to think I'm dirty," she wiped her nose with her sock, frowning the whole time.  
  
"No matter what you think, you can always start over. Only five people know what happened to me, two of which I still keep in contact with, one is a person at the bureau that I talk to sometimes when things get rough. The others are - Raymond and Clayton," she waited a beat to let it all sink in. "Dr. Raymond is a man of habit. Very meticulous. Despite what happened, I got put back together. I didn't get a souvenir like yours, but you can put the child up for adoption if you don't want to keep it. Troy will help you Melanie, I'm positive that the man waiting for you down there wants nothing more than to hold you safely in his arms," she said quietly, but determined.  
  
"If I get off this ledge, how do you know I won't try it again?" said Melanie.  
  
Not even skipping a breath, Sam said, "Because I will be with you the entire way. You will overcome this."  
  
Melanie's eyes went to Sam's and saw truth and sincerity. She squeezed Sam's hand tightly, as tears began to fall down her cheeks once again.  
  
He wiped his eyes with his fingers. He leaned against the wall of the building, pulling the plug out of his ear. Jack sighed loudly and looked up at the two women. Sam was trying to talk Melanie into putting the harness around her waist. He watched for almost five minutes until the harness was finally wrapped around the young woman. Together, they rose slowly and carefully, holding each other's hands the whole way as they edged over to the balcony. Sam was closest and climbed over while Melanie hugged the wall.  
  
Danny grabbed Sam as she climbed over the sturdy metal railing. She was shaking all over and looked almost as bad as Melanie. Sam pulled away from him and gave him a nod of thanks then walked over as the team tried to coax Melanie over the railing. Sam reached out her hand and grabbed Melanie's. They kept eye contact the entire time as Melanie inched over and was helped up by a few strong men. Danny felt like it was happening in slow motion; Melanie being lifted over the railing, Sam's hair blowing in the wind and the muted sounds of the chaos around him. The sound of a phone broke through his thoughts.  
  
"Is she okay?" Jack asked, walking between rows of cops and their vehicles.  
  
"Yeah, she'll be fine. They're taking her to St. Vincent's," said Vivian, arms crossed and watching the scene through the large glass window.  
  
"Good. I'll let the kids know," Jack paused, trying to find the words to further his sentence, but failing in his attempt.  
  
"She's doing fine Jack," said Vivian knowingly. "The boys are with her and are getting everything cleared up."  
  
"Thanks. Stay up there and make sure everything goes all right, call me for updates. I have to go speak with the chief," said Jack as he neared his destination.  
  
"I got it," said Viv as she closed her phone. Stroking the side of her neck with the antenna, she watched Sam closely as she walked over to Melanie who was now under the care of paramedics.  
  
Sam kneeled in front of Melanie, talking to her very quietly as the medics were checking her vitals.  
  
"Melanie, here is my number - all of them. As soon as I can, I will come and visit you. It may be tomorrow when I can all right?" Melanie nodded, grabbing Sam's hand for reassurance.  
  
"Troy and Anna are waiting downstairs," said Sam. Melanie looked up at Sam with fear in her eyes.  
  
"Melanie, they love you. No matter what happened to you or what you did, they will still love you. Those are two of the best friends I have ever seen. Be happy you have people to look after you, okay?"  
  
"I don't want them to be afraid of me," she said. Sam looked at her closely, her mouth forming a thin line.  
  
"I think all people fear what they don't know. Together, you all can get through this, but don't shut them out," she paused as she tried to express her thoughts.  
  
"The next year, your life will not be yours, but with your friends and your faith, you will survive this. And whatever you do, don't let your hatred and anger overpower you," said Sam.  
  
"Hate is a funny thing. I don't really hate Dr. Raymond. If anything, I pity him," said Melanie with a scratchy voice. "He still lives in the same place he has for twenty years, and still walks around as though he owns the world because he can manipulate others. He deserves to be quartered and hung."  
  
Sam didn't reply. She squeezed Melanie's hand once more as the medics began to take Melanie inside. She felt like fire was being expelled each time that her heart beat. Her emotions were amplified by the adrenaline pumping through her system, and her mind could only focus on one person.  
  
Dr. Jonathan Raymond  
  
Sam glanced around, checking to see that her colleagues wouldn't notice if she slipped away. Fortunately, Martin was helping some men with the safety equipment while Danny and Vivian were speaking with another agent. Sam swallowed back any thought of waiting and walked quickly down the long, white hallway.  
  
Danny's eyes followed Sam as she made her way quickly down the hallway, easily dismissing any thought of going after her as she would most likely want to be alone. He and Vivian needed to get downstairs as soon as possible and wrap things up with Jack. He glanced over at Martin and smiled as he charmed a petite brunette officer.  
  
~~~~  
  
Sam scanned the lobby as she got off the elevator, checking to make sure no one she knew saw her exit the building. She spotted Jack standing down the street, talking with another agent and a police chief. Hastily walking to their car, she got in the driver's side and closed the door. Checking the side pocket for the keys, she smiled as the shiny object waited inside. Realizing that going to Dr. Raymond alone in her state of mind was probably one of her worst decisions, but justice needed to be dealt today and she knew the system too well to know that the case would be jeopardized because of her involvement. However, she contemplated this only for a split second before deciding that now was the time.  
  
Unfortunately, with her animosity and frustration fueling her, there was no holding back. She had unfinished business with a man, actually two men, and she always liked to go to sleep with business taken care of. She took a right turn and headed in the direction of Raymond's apartment, biting her lip as she began thinking up a plan and it's backup.  
  
"Martin, Danny, did one of you move the car?" asked Jack as he met the two gentlemen in the lobby, 25 minutes after Sam's departure.  
  
Shaking their heads in the negative, he looked around for Viv and she held her hands up and shrugged. She couldn't reach Samantha on her phone.  
  
"Sam probably took it to follow them to the hospital," hypothesized Martin.  
  
Jack thought about it and shook his head. "No, I know where she went. We need to get some cops over to Jonathan Raymond's apartment as soon as possible, maybe Clayton Hodges' as well. Martin, go talk to Chief Hart and give him a heads up. Danny, come with me. Jack told Vivian what was going on and she agreed to stay with Martin until they finished up at their current location.  
  
Almost thirty minutes after she'd left; Samantha shut off the engine as she rose gracefully out of the car. She drew out her gun and checked to make sure everything was ready to go and closed the door quietly, returning her gun to it's holster. Walking towards a large, elegant brownstone building, she drew in deep breath then exhaled all of her inhibitions. It was time to finish what she started ten years ago.  
  
TBC  
  
A/N, if this was truly horrible, please don't hold back. I am still high off the X-men glory. Nothing can hurt me now. 


	7. chance

A/N: woah nelly. This I think is my largest chapter yet. Wow. The feedback has been phenomenal everyone, thank you all very much. First off, this is a very heavy Sam chapter, and yes it does BRIEFLY touch on the affair. But way back when, about the time that my feeble mind conceived of this little puppy, I had planned on incorporating the affair more for the purpose of describing her character than anything. So, no matter what happens, that's my story and I'm stickin' to it. Well, enjoy and don't get to sleepy. Oh and for the sake of this story, Sam is about 31. And, I have taken gigantic liberties with our leading lady.  
  
~~~  
  
The building had a well dressed doorman standing guard outside and inside, a desk clerk who checked for IDs and the like. Samantha confidently strode over to the clerk, who appeared to be about 25, and gave him a radiant smile.  
  
"Samantha Spade I presume?" he asked. Her smile quickly faded.  
  
"Yes," she uttered, puzzled. She couldn't manage more than nod as he handed her a small envelope made of thick parchment paper.  
  
"Dr. Raymond lives on the sixth floor, number 15. Henry can take you up the elevator," he said while motioning to another gentleman standing beside the door.  
  
Shaking her head, she replied, "No thanks, that won't be necessary. If you could, I'd appreciate if you could direct me to the stairs."  
  
"Certainly. The stairs are around the corner on the left," he motioned with his hands. She smiled in gratitude and walked in the direction of the stairs.  
  
Once she rounded the corner, she pressed herself against the cool marble wall. Leaning her head against a column, she tried to get her breathing under control. She realized the magnitude of the situation she was in, and was aware that she would most likely be fired. But the thought of that man walking around another day, completely free, made her nauseous and risking her career was worth it.  
  
Remembering the parchment envelope in her hand, she brought it up slowly and looked at the front. It had a calligraphic 'S' written on the front in an ink the color of mahogany. She glanced around cautiously and opened the envelope, breaking the seal with her fingers. Emptying its contents in her hand, a key fell out along with a small card that read, "Hope you enjoy."  
  
Ignoring the goosebumps that had accumulated on her arms, she placed the key and card back in their envelope and tucked it safely away in her pocket. Taking a deep breath, she pushed off from the wall and walked towards the large marble staircase.  
  
With each step and each landing she encountered, her heart beat faster and her goal became clearer. It felt as though she'd found her purpose in life, a new sense of clarity was passing over her as she climbed up the fifth flight of stairs. It was strange actually, because she knew he'd be waiting for her, ready to drop a bomb.  
  
She felt a vibration on the side of her hip. Her phone was on, and she felt it vibrate occasionally, but she never chose to answer it. She contemplated tossing it aside along with her earplug on her way; however, her remaining common sense dissuaded her from proceeding. Finally, she'd reached the sixth floor. Closing her eyes and hoping she'd come out all right in the end, she took a deep breath and stepped onto the carpeted hallway.  
  
Each step was taken carefully, not too hasty or uncalculated. She had a plan and she was going to stick to it. She neared the end of the hallway and heard a strange noise around the corner. Drawing her gun, Sam braced her back against the wall and held her weapon in both hands.  
  
She counted silently to three then turned the corner abruptly. A small boy, no older than four years old looked up at the strange woman pointing something at him. As she realized that he might become afraid, she quickly holstered her gun and drew her jacket around herself. Already interested in trying to demolish the imaginary war camp he'd built in the hallway, the boy paid her no mind as she walked carefully around him and his fortress.  
  
Coming in contact with a real human before trying to kill someone was not the encouragement she needed. Especially one who wore a bowl cut and Sesame Street sneakers. Swallowing any fear or doubt, she walked towards apartment 15.  
  
Sam paused at the door, notes from a piano trickled out of his apartment. Unable to place the song, she looked in her pocket for the envelope that held the key. She took another sideways glance down the hallway and watched as the boy began taking his toys inside his apartment. She pulled her gun out once again and prepared to insert the key in the lock.  
  
The door itself was unlocked, left ever so slightly ajar. The music still carried out of the apartment, dark and leisurely. She took another deep breath, revenge pushing her forward. She lightly tapped the door with her foot, her gun drawn and ready to fire. Peering inside, Raymond could not be seen at first glance. She looked down at her feet that were planted on the threshold of his apartment, unwilling to go further. The apartment was large and maintained a contemporary feel to it. Seeing as she was in what appeared to be the living area, she noted that the furniture was sparse and hardly looked comfortable. She followed the sound of the piano to a room on her left.  
  
The apartment went in both directions, on the left of her it was divided by a floor-to-ceiling mahogany bookcase that stretched almost three-fourths of the way across the room, with an opening in the middle. While the right side had large, fully equipped kitchen with the lights turned low. Instead of staying near the door, she took a few steps into his apartment and stopped when she heard the music cease. Footsteps approached her, echoing off of the wooden floor.  
  
"Hello Samantha, I've been waiting for you," said Dr. Raymond, smiling congenially. He stood at the top of two steps that led to the living area, holding a glass of wine. Samantha's gun was drawn entirely, all she needed was to squeeze the trigger and her work would be done. Unfortunately, the phone on her hip vibrated again, the real world calling her to remember her place. Her focus broken, she quickly changed her mind and started backing towards the door, pulling out her badge.  
  
"Jonathan Raymond, you are under arrest for the sexual assault of Melanie Myers," she said while flipping her badge open. She was not going to let him win. Resorting to her profession instead of acting out her anger was the right thing to do. Even though every bone in her body wanted her to aim and take him down.  
  
He smiled at her gesture then placed his glass on the nearest table chuckling to himself. He reached down and grabbed a remote, holding it up and pointed it at his CD player. Frank Sinatra's voice filled the apartment while the two stood and waited for the other to make a move.  
  
Almost 46, Jonathan Raymond was a lean, handsome man. He was above average height and had gray hair taking over his once dirty blond head. Sam watched cautiously as he placed the remote back on the table and grabbed his glass once again, taking a large sip. He almost blended in with his dark apartment, wearing all black, even a partially buttoned black dress shirt.  
  
"Would you like a glass of wine?" he asked, obviously ignoring what she'd just said. "Come now Samantha, please, sit down and relax. I dare say you're a bit tired."  
  
"I would like nothing more than for you to comply with my orders and come with me," she said with much restraint.  
  
"How about this," he said, swirling the dark liquid in his glass around casually. "You give me, oh say ten minutes of your time, and I do what ever you want," he looked up at her with a strong, even look.  
  
"I don't do negotiations Jonathan. The police will be here soon anyway. How about you make it easier on yourself and come with me," she replied defiantly.  
  
He ignored her last statement and walked over to his refrigerated wine cabinet pulling out a recently opened bottle of 1997 Bordeaux. She noted that he walked with a slight limp, favoring his right leg. Got to love souvenirs. He took a glass off of the shelf and held it up to the dim light, checking for cleanliness. He filled the glass half way, then returned the bottle back into the refrigerator. He turned to find the gun pointed at him once again.  
  
"Sit down with me for five minutes. Have some wine and I will come with you. Simple as that," he said bluntly, so easy it was obviously untrue.  
  
As Sam tried to decide, Raymond began walking to her, in no way afraid of the gun. His eyes kept their penetrating stare the entire time as approached, not wavering in the least. With one finger he confidently pushed down on the barrel of her gun and held out the glass of wine. Not knowing what she was doing, she took it and followed as he motioned towards the stiff looking couch.  
  
By the time she was sitting, she realized that the front door had been closed and locked and he was sitting across from her, playing with a coaster. How she managed to blank out, she didn't know. Feeling for her gun, she lightly sighed as she found it right beside her, still loaded.  
  
"Now, where were we?" he asked nonchalantly.  
  
"We were at you coming with me," she said firmly.  
  
"Did you enjoy your afternoon?" he asked.  
  
"Yes, it was quite pleasant outside," she returned. He observed her demeanor as she noticed the centerpiece on his living room table. It was a glass vase that had obviously been glued back together.  
  
"Do you like it? I couldn't find all the pieces, but it still holds up," he said, rubbing his head slightly in what appeared to be a scarred area. "It took seven stitches to sew up that lovely little mark you left."  
  
"If you'd like, I could always repeat the gesture," she said crossly. She would have too, if only he was closer.  
  
"That won't be necessary," he said. He stood up suddenly and began pacing, walking around with the coaster still in his hand. "You have become quite the manipulator Samantha. I must say, I'm quite proud."  
  
Sam remained silent. She was prepared for the psychoanalysis. If at all possible, she was going to completely phase him out.  
  
"I know what you're doing Samantha, trust me it won't work," he said knowingly. He walked behind the couch on which she was sitting and dropped down right beside her ear and spoke in a low voice.  
  
"You've been a bad, bad girl Samantha. I know what you've been doing." He stood up again and walked back around. "How long did it take you to date again after you left? Three, four years? I'm quite surprised though, it must have been hard for you. Constantly turning down those offers of weekend attention. Looking back you must have regretted some of it."  
  
"Is there a point to this Jonathan, make it, because your minutes are ticking away," she stated with a hint of impatience in her voice.  
  
"When was the first time you had sex again? Was it with that hotshot pilot? Or how about the good old, 'friend from back home.' You must have been pretty tender. I bet you cried afterwards," he said as he took a seat in the chair closest to her. "But you liked the feeling didn't you? The control you had over those men. You've probably lost count there have been so many. Bringing a whole new meaning to promiscuity, eh?"  
  
Brushing off his comment, she turned back on him.  
  
"What about you? What did you like so much about taking those women? You could have easily gotten one by normal standards; I don't see why raping them ever became an option."  
  
"I guess it's for the same reason you enjoy controlling men the way you do. It's quite addictive, the high you get afterwards, the feeling of invincibility. We're more alike than you think, you and I," he said, with a prompt bite of the lip.  
  
She stood up immediately, bristling from his comment. "Never compare us. I am nothing like you. You are a conniving, manipulative bastard. Not once have I done anything to even resemble the life you've led." She stood now, arms at her sides, her posture clearly on the defensive. Only now did she realize she was giving him what he wanted.  
  
"Really? We both have used our bodies to get what we want," he paused, then changed the subject abruptly. "Have you ever been in love Samantha? I believe you have. I too have been in love. See we aren't that much different."  
  
"Love exists on many different levels, I doubt ours were the same," she replied much more calmly, keeping her eyes focused on the ground.  
  
"Yes, I believe mine was much more - passionate. Let's think though. I can't really recall that many men with whom you've actually had a meaningful relationship with. You are all about the lust and satisfaction. Ah, wait. The lawyer, Kyle Brooks," he said with intended satisfaction. "What ever happened to him?"  
  
The fact that he knew about the pilot was disturbing enough, but Kyle was getting too personal - even for him.  
  
"The lawyer is none of your concern Dr. Raymond."  
  
"You were with him for over a year weren't you? What happened? Did he cheat on you? I know how you feel about cheating men, but when it happens to you it's a completely different story."  
  
She felt the anger rising within her. Her face was growing flushed, her self control dwindling.  
  
"Kyle was a wonderful. He did nothing wrong."  
  
"Did you do something to push him away?"  
  
"NO! Yes, I don't know," why was she confessing to him. She hated this.  
  
"Were you afraid? Committing to someone for your entire life would be quite intimidating. You love sex way too much to have one man until you are old. Divorces are wonderful. But who says you can't have an affair right? Is that what you did? Did you cheat on him?"  
  
"I never cheated on him!" she yelled.  
  
"What happened then? Was it work, was it commitment, was it love itself? What went wrong?"  
  
"His sister developed Huntington's disease. She lived in Alabama and he wanted to move down there to be closer to her," she said quietly.  
  
"And you didn't want to leave your job. You'd come so far, worked so hard. Leaving would be quite difficult. He accused you of not being there when he really needed you."  
  
She was seeing their argument right in front of her eyes. They were at her apartment, his hair was disheveled and he hadn't slept in days. He'd just told her that he'd quit his job and was leaving the next week. He hadn't even talked with her first. They were already on round two of arguing.  
  
"He just expected me to pick up my life because he was having a family emergency. You don't just quit the bureau. He didn't understand," she said, pacing back and forth.  
  
"How selfish of him, the man that you loved so much, to expect you to be with him when he needed you most," he said in his best devil's advocate voice. "IT'S ONLY A JOB SAM!" he yelled. "When are you going to learn that you can't go to bed with your work, that it won't make you breakfast in the morning or hold your hand when the world is crumbling around you?"  
  
"I don't know Jonathan. I doubt I ever will. I have you to thank for that. Why should I trust men, when all they do is screw me over?"  
  
"What, like your boss?" she stopped dead in her tracks. "Honey you screwed yourself there. I always wanted to know what it felt like to be the one who wasn't trapped by the marriage or the kids. What did it feel like, knowing that he'd be leaving your bed, to go to hers?"  
  
"Stop it," she said softly.  
  
"Knowing that those hands that slid over your thighs, glided up your back, unbuttoned your shirt, had only done the same thing the night before during make-up sex."  
  
Images of them tangled up in bed - sweaty and breathless - flashed through her mind. She blinked away the visions.  
  
"Stop it!" her voice was louder. Frank started crooning 'My Way' as silence filled the room once again.  
  
"I can't imagine you becoming attached to a man like that. It must have been the whole experience, that adrenaline coursing through your veins, knowing that what you were doing was wrong. I mean you were probably doing other men on the side as well, but apparently you were more attached than you thought."  
  
"There wasn't any attachment," she lied. "Like you said, he was just one of the many."  
  
"How long did that affair go on with Jack? I bet you'd have to bring extra makeup with you to work so you could cover up tell tale signs that you'd just screwed each other before work. Would he ever order you Chinese? I know how much you love to eat take-out right after you've finished a romp in the sack."  
  
She shot him a look of fire.  
  
"Or was he the guilty type that got dressed soon after and bolted? I bet he'd wait until you got in the shower then left, hated to deal with confrontation didn't he? You obviously couldn't say anything at work, and when he came by again a couple nights later, you were ready for another round," he leaned back in the chair and placed his feet on the table with contentment.  
  
"Jack Malone is a good man. If you are going to attack someone, let it be me. Stay away from him," she said with defiance. Sam stared out his window, chewing on the tip of her thumbnail while trying her best to push his words out of her mind.  
  
"The lawyer who you didn't love enough to follow, is now happily married, with a six-month-old girl. Get this, her name is - Samantha. The fireman you dated a couple years ago and broke up with out of the blue, is married as well and has twin boys. The first man you ever dumped, when you began to thrive upon the feeling you got when you watched his sorry face crumple up, well, he lives with his mother, but at least he isn't alone. I'm detecting a pattern here," he said with a sing-songish voice. "Of course there are the few that cheated on you, or slapped you around a little, but you never were the best judge of character either."  
  
"The boss you most recently screwed, the 'relationship' you never had that was based completely on lust, guess what? He's still with his wife and children as well," his verbal assault was getting more vicious with each second. "Well, you're good for something I guess. Helping men realize what they never wanted in a woman."  
  
"In the end, Samantha, you are what you hate. No matter how you look at it, you will be a worthless, selfish, used up slut," he punctuated the last word, giving a bit more emphasis than he intended. He waited a moment for his words to sink in before pounding her more, taking her down with each word.  
  
"Men don't leave their wives for a whore. Men don't marry a woman who's had sex with more men than she has fingers and toes. You will end up afraid and alone. Just. Like. Me."  
  
Fighting the tears, Sam turned on him as she remembered one thing.  
  
"What about Tatiana? Do you remember her Jonathan? I saw her about a year ago," her voice was shaky, she was pulling out one of the only cards she had up her sleeve. Raymond stood up as well, smirking. "She didn't mention you though, although I bet she wondered what you'd been up to. Of course, I couldn't offer her anything. Women don't marry men who screw their students either," she shot back.  
  
"Nice Samantha, smooth. Really," he turned and placed a hand on his hip. Sam glanced over at him and did a double take. There were bulges on his lower back, three to be exact.  
  
"Did she send me kind regards? She was one helluva woman. Shame she had to go and move to the other side of the world," he saw Sam placing a hand on her gun and looked down at his shirt. Smiling, he began to undo the three remaining buttons.  
  
"Don't worry Sam, if were going to die, we'd be dead already. I figure we have at least another twenty minutes or so," he said while turning around slowly. Strapped to his back with duct tape were three packs of C4.  
  
Sam backed up against the counter to the kitchen, mentally kicking herself for her carelessness. Jack should be getting here by now. Where were the cops? Leave NYPD to save you. Right.  
  
"Don't be rash Jonathan, come on. You don't need to do this, this can be resolved peacefully," she said calmly.  
  
"Did you see a little boy in the hallway Samantha? It's his birthday today. They should be opening presents soon. He loves teddy bears. Absolutely adores them," his voice grew harsh and cold.  
  
Realizing that he'd put the detonator in the bear she shook her head in disbelief.  
  
"You wouldn't."  
  
"Do you know how hard it was to figure out how to get you to come to me? I was lucky her missing person's report even fell in your department," he said while taking the last sip his glass could offer. "Melanie was great fun though. I really enjoyed her. It was much easier than I thought it would be. She's a lot weaker than you are."  
  
Realization slowly dawning on her features, she couldn't hide the shock that crossed her face. The case, the whole case had been created to get her back. He couldn't just drop by for coffee, no. He had to make it difficult. She drew her gun quickly and held it at eye level.  
  
"Samantha put that down. If you don't want to die, then get the hell out of here. I fully intended to keep you, but seeing how much you've already destroyed yourself, I'm surprised you aren't asking to stay and get it over with."  
  
"Shut up you prick. Can't you disarm it?"  
  
"Even if I did, the two other places where I planted the C4 are impossible to reach at this point in time," he said.  
  
~~~~  
  
Jack pulled up to the building, he and Danny quickly getting out of the car. "Where are the cops? Didn't you call them?"  
  
"Yeah, back at the insurance building," said Danny as they entered the building, flashing their badges at the doorman.  
  
"We need the location of Dr. Raymond please," said Jack hastily.  
  
The young desk clerk scanned their Ids then looked at them briefly.  
  
"I'm sorry, no one by that name lives here," he said smugly.  
  
Danny reached across the counter and grabbed his collar.  
  
"Listen you moron, you can and will be arrested for obstructing a criminal investigation. Do not - " he stopped at the sound of gun fire.  
  
"What floor is he on?" said Jack once again.  
  
"Six. Room 15." Danny placed the man back on the ground and followed Jack to the elevator. He pulled out his phone to check on the police. He didn't like where this was headed at all.  
  
~~~  
  
"That was a great CD player too," said Raymond as he examined the gunshot piercing it through the 'off' button.  
  
"Well, if you wouldn't put Vivaldi's Violin Concerto #6 in there when I'm around, I guess you'll be just fine. Who has sex to classical music anyway?" she asked, waving her gun around. "Where are the explosives located?" she asked with a stern voice.  
  
"Samantha, go next door and ask for my present. Marco probably won't be happy, but if you wave the gun around, you might make some headway."  
  
"You don't have a kill switch or anything?" he shook his head. "Are you linked with any other apartments or is it just this one?"  
  
"It is nice to share isn't it?"  
  
She frowned and shook her head. "If you wanted me, then why didn't you just come and get me? Killing other people isn't the way to get this done. My death isn't going to solve anything. As you said, no one cares about a whore," she said walking closer to him, her heels making light clicks on the floor.  
  
"We all love a little differently Agent Spade. Sometimes, it's a bit more passionate than you might expect. Poor Clayton, he's as crazy as I am. He just isn't smart enough to make anything happen. It's funny what happens when two men love the same woman. An uncommon bond forms between them."  
  
"Where is he? Did he leave already?"  
  
"I suggest you retrieve that bear before you start thinking about Clayton," he said carefully.  
  
Sam kept her gun trained on him as she backed towards the door, slowly unlocking it with her free hand. Before she could get her hand on the knob, a knock startled her from grasping the brass fixture.  
  
The door opened to reveal Jack and Danny, guns drawn, ready to take down whoever waited inside.  
  
"Where have you been?" she asked Danny.  
  
"Oh, you know, we saw a tennis court, couldn't pass up the chance," replied Danny. His smile turned quickly into a frown as he realized that Dr. Raymond was strapped with C4.  
  
"Jack, go next door and ask for the teddy bear," Sam ordered. "The detonator is in the bear."  
  
"I'm not leaving," said Jack firmly. They were going to have a nice long talk when this was over.  
  
"Danny, go. Then wait for the cops downstairs."  
  
"Right."  
  
"Oh and call Viv and tell her what's going on."  
  
Danny exited the open door and left the two agents, guns pointed at a duct tape wearing, C4 toting, psychopath.  
  
TBC. - If anything about C4 is incorrect, well, I must admit, I am not a demolition expert. Anyway. Next chapter will be much more team friendly. 


	8. the first

A/N I have decided to place this story after AYNOHYEB and FO I. So, picture about a month between last week and this. Secondly, I appreciate the feedback everyone. It's been wonderful. Thank you very much. Hopefully this chapter will work out all right. Oh and this one is still Martin and Viv light. Sorry.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
"What!" asked Vivian alarmed. Martin glanced at her as he gave the gas a little more pressure. They were in the car headed towards Raymond's building.  
  
"How many packs does he have on him?"  
  
"From what I could see, three," said Danny, pacing back and fourth. He was afraid. They were all afraid. The bear didn't even have the detonator in it. The poor boy thought Danny was crazy for playing doctor with his teddy bear on the kitchen island. Danny grabbed the largest knife he could find and went at it. There was only stuffing in the bear with wooden blocks at the feet and butt to help it sit upright.  
  
"And the cops aren't there yet? You called the bomb squad right?" asked Vivan.  
  
"Yeah I called 'em. Wait," Danny paused, straining to listen over the traffic. "I think I hear them coming right now. I gotta go."  
  
"Okay. We just dropped the kids off at the hospital. We should be there in fifteen minutes," said Vivan.  
  
"What's going on over there?" asked Martin curiously as Vivian closed her phone.  
  
"Dr. Raymond has three packs of C4 strapped to his body and a few more stashed somewhere else. Both Sam and Jack are with him right now."  
  
"So that's where she went? How'd she know it was him?"  
  
"Maybe Melanie told her something. I don't know," said Vivian, squeezing the bridge of her nose with her thumb and index finger. She pulled out her phone again and started dialing. "I gotta call my husband. This isn't going to end any time soon."  
  
"This will end as soon as possible if you just tell us where the detonator is," said Jack with an authoritative tone of voice.  
  
"You know Agent Malone, I was about to follow Agent Spade to the police when you so rudely interrupted," Raymond said. He leaned casually against a small table at the opposite end of the living room, and pulled out his pipe.  
  
"Well, you had your time, now it's our turn," Jack said as began walking towards Raymond. He had one hand on his gun and the other retrieving his handcuffs.  
  
He looked back at Sam, "Go clear the rest of the apartment." She nodded and went to the hallway beside the kitchen.  
  
"Dr. Raymond, I'd appreciate it if you'd sit in that chair," he said, motioning to the chair to Raymond's right. Dr. Raymond gave Jack a long, deep look, then slid off the table and sat in the chair.  
  
Jack handcuffed Raymond's hands behind the chair, checking the cuffs to make sure they were secure.  
  
Sam walked down the narrow hallway, decorated with black and white photographs of various areas around the city. She had to squint to see clearly, it was dark outside and there weren't any lights on in the rooms.  
  
She kept her gun pointed towards the ground, her back against the wall, and slowly entered the first room she came to. It was a small and neat room, lined with bookcases and a desk against the center of the far wall. Sam backed out of the room carefully and continued up the hallway. Two rooms left.  
  
The next room she entered was a bedroom. She couldn't tell if it was his or only a guestroom. A soft breeze coming from an open window on the side of the room drew her attention. The window was fully opened, the sheer curtains flapping silently in the wind and the light from the street cast a hazy glow about the room. She took a quick glance around before approaching the window. Leaning out, she realized it was a fire escape with stairs leading both up and down. She brought herself back inside to holster her gun, and was met by a large hand being placed around her mouth.  
  
"Dr. Raymond, where is the detonator?" asked Jack, quickly growing impatient.  
  
"At this point, I'm not sure where it is," said Raymond, leaning his head against the back of the chair. "That Agent Spade, she's a firecracker. Are all of your agents like her?"  
  
"How about I ask the questions," said Jack as he looked out the window, checking outside for the cops. He could see Danny pacing back and forth below, pulling his phone off of his belt.  
  
Sam struggled quietly, trying to flip the person over her.  
  
"It's no use Samantha," she stopped at the sound of his voice, realizing who it was. "I know a lot more than you think I do."  
  
Clayton held her arms to where she could not move them, tightly grasping her wrists. He positioned his legs to where hers were pinned against a large chair that was placed in the corner beside the window.  
  
"Jonathan thinks he's so great, planning this whole thing," he whispered into her ear. "Well, who got the girl and who got the handcuffs?" he brought his head down, kissing her lightly on the nape of her neck. She began to squirm when she could feel his tongue make contact with her skin. He pressed her harder into the chair, pushing himself closer against her.  
  
"I assume Melanie is safe now," said Raymond, trying to break Jack's focus. Jack was walking around checking for more C4 and even the detonator.  
  
"Cut the crap Dr. Raymond. How many more packs do you have?"  
  
"I honestly couldn't tell you."  
  
"Oh, and why is that?"  
  
"Because," he drew out the word, irritation slightly evident in his voice. "I'm not the one who obtained the C4, nor am I the one who duct tapped them to my back, or planted it around the building," said Raymond.  
  
Growing dizzy from the lack of oxygen, Sam thought of one more thing she could do. She stood taller and stiffened herself against him, then went immediately limp, catching him off guard. He lost his grip long enough for her right arm to break free from his grasp. She elbowed him in the gut and turned quickly, giving him a left hook to the jaw. He reeled backwards against the wall, grabbing his jaw in pain. She kicked him square in the knee, bringing him down to the ground. She brought her left knee and placed it right between his shoulder blades, rendering him immobile and cuffed his right hand, then his left.  
  
"You never had me," she said harshly once the cuffs were tightly fastened.  
  
Jack turned at the sounds being produced from Samantha's direction. Forgetting Raymond, he walked through the kitchen, "Samantha?"  
  
No answer. He heard another thud and rushed to the source, watching as Sam stood, her gun drawn.  
  
"I found Clayton," she said, gasping for breath. He walked closer to her and on the other side of the bed, he saw Clayton Hodges handcuffed and lying on the floor.  
  
"You okay?" he asked, looking at her closely. She kept her eyes focused on Clayton, not daring to look up.  
  
"I'm fine," she said with a harried voice as he bent down to help her pick Clayton off the ground.  
  
"How are you Mr. Hodges? Enjoy your stay?" asked Jack tauntingly. His nose was mere centimeters from Hodges' cheek. "Where'd you put the detonator?"  
  
"I don't have the detonator. Jonathan does," he replied through clenched teeth.  
  
"Funny, he says he doesn't know where it is," Jack started patting Hodges down, looking for the detonator.  
  
"Where are the other bombs?"  
  
"I can't remember. I took a nasty blow to the head," he said sarcastically. Jack applied pressure to Hodges' bad knee for the last remark. Jack stood at the sound of booted feet filing through the apartment's entrance.  
  
"Cavalry's here," said Sam as she glanced at Jack. She began pushing Hodges forward towards the door, while Jack walked on the other side of him.  
  
They entered the room to find three bomb squad members, their dogs and a seven man S.W.A.T. team frozen with their weapons pointed at Jonathan Raymond. Danny followed up the rear, shaking his head.  
  
"The elevators were out. All of them," said Danny as he pushed his way through the officials. "We had to take the stairs to get up here."  
  
Jack nodded at Danny while walking towards a member of the bomb squad.  
  
"Special Agent Jack Malone," he said, holding out his hand.  
  
"Captain Paul Thorpe," he shook his hand and looked around cautiously. "Don't worry, we'll get this situation under control soon. Do you know who has the detonator?"  
  
"No. It could be on a timer for all we know."  
  
"Okay, thank you. We'll clear the apartment and give it a look around. I have other men evacuating everyone from the building as well."  
  
" Good. I know he's got three packs on him, and there are more, but we don't know where yet," said Jack as he motioned towards Raymond.  
  
The S.W.A.T. team dispersed as the other two bomb squad members commenced their search.  
  
Danny walked over to Sam and helped her watch Clayton while Jack continued talking to Captain Thorpe. Neither Hodges nor Raymond said a word.  
  
Soon after, Martin came up through the doorway with Vivan close behind.  
  
"What's going on?" asked Martin as he approached Danny and Sam.  
  
"They can't find the detonator and Jack can't transport Raymond until we know he won't blow up," said Danny as he watched a bomb squad member checking Raymond over.  
  
"Why don't they just rip the tape off?" said Martin.  
  
"Because the detonator could be taped under it," said Sam, "and if the pressure was released -"  
  
"It would be the Fourth of July. Great. How'd you know where to find him?" asked Martin as the two men looked at her inquisitively.  
  
Sam didn't hear Martin. She was watching as Jack and Vivian spoke with each other.  
  
"I want you to take Hodges in, question him. Get everything you can. If Raymond has done this in the past, then Hodges probably helped him out. Don't forget, he was an investigator so keep pounding him 'til you get something out," said Jack.  
  
"Okay. What are you going to do?"  
  
"I'm going to stay here until this mess gets taken care of. Hopefully we'll be able to take Raymond and interrogate him. If not, we'll be heading back as soon as we're done."  
  
"And Samantha?" she asked, quickly glancing at the blond agent.  
  
"Her too. She's got some explaining to do. Plus, Van Doran's going to want to know what happened, and I can't give her a full report until I talk to Sam."  
  
"Jack, I'm sorry I let her up there. I didn't know she wasn't supposed to be with us, but there was no one else who could save that girl," she said quietly.  
  
"Don't worry about it. Thanks for the help," he said in an uncharacteristically kind voice. Then he turned as two S.W.A.T. team members waited to speak with him.  
  
"We're going to take Hodges in and question him," said Vivian as she looked at Martin.  
  
"You all will be coming with Raymond as soon as they find the detonator and disarm him," she said while addressing Samantha and Danny.  
  
"Okay," said Danny. "See you back at the office," he said as they prepared to take Hodges.  
  
Clayton glanced back at Sam as he exited through the door, giving her an eerie smile. She turned away, crossing one arm against her chest while her other hand went to the back of her neck. Her fingers stung her neck as they gently glided over her soft skin. She winced in pain as she turned her wrist the wrong way. Examining her hand, there were no evident signs that she'd just struggled for her life less than ten minutes ago. Of course, tomorrow there would probably be bruises to show the strength of Clayton's grip.  
  
Danny watched Sam looking at her wrists. He saw that her left hand was red and swollen from the left hook she'd given Hodges. As he walked closer to her, he made a mental note to never get in a fight with Sam.  
  
"Here, let me take you into the kitchen and get some meat on that," he said while grabbing her hand carefully.  
  
"Thanks Danny, but I'll be fine. Really. It's just a little red," she said as he started pulling her towards the kitchen.  
  
"Come on, you're beat. At least let me do it so I can feel better," he turned back and grinned.  
  
Dr. Raymond watched while Sam followed Danny in the kitchen. There were two officers guarding him while he sat quietly, watching as people clad in black went about his apartment, pilfering through his belongings. It was much more boring than he'd anticipated. He hadn't even been shot yet. What was wrong with the justice system in this country?  
  
His eyes followed Agent Malone as he came away from the room that housed Raymond's piano. Jack walked towards Captain Thorpe and said a few words to him quietly. Thorpe went to the piano room and spoke with his men. Dr. Raymond smiled as Jack walked towards him, his anger apparent.  
  
"If you don't tell us where the detonator is, then we can't help you. You are only making this worse for yourself in the long run. Tell me where it is, and we can work out a deal for you," said Jack as he stood in front of Dr. Raymond.  
  
"I'm sorry Jack. I already told you, I didn't plant the C4. How would I know where the detonator is?"  
  
"Fine. Suit yourself," Jack said gruffly. He scanned the room looking for his remaining agents and turned towards the piano room once he saw them in the kitchen.  
  
"How you holdin' up?" asked Danny as they walked out of the kitchen.  
  
"I'm doing fine," she paused as she looked at Dr. Raymond and found his eyes fixed on her. "It's been a long day," she said, putting an emphasis on long.  
  
"No kidding. It's about time we called it quits," he glanced at her sideways as they stood beside the bookshelves.  
  
"Hey uh, Agent Taylor could you give us a hand over here," said one of the S.W.A.T. team members as he leaned out of the guestroom. Danny followed the officer while Sam stood awkwardly, silently wishing herself out of the room.  
  
"Samantha," said Jack as he propped himself against the wall, "come here. We need your help.  
  
Sam nodded and started walking, trying to avoid the dogs as they sniffed around the apartment. As she walked by Dr. Raymond, she accidentally knocked a coaster off the table and bent down to pick it up. She returned it to the table while trying to avoid Dr. Raymond and his gaze.  
  
"Now Samantha be careful, I don't need you to go around breaking things," he said oddly.  
  
She gave him a confused look, trying to process his words as she continued to walk towards the piano room. She walked over to Jack and stood as he and Captain Thorpe continued to evaluate the situation.  
  
Jack looked at her and started saying something, but she wasn't paying any attention. Her mind was twenty feet away, thinking about what Dr. Raymond has just said. It was the way he said it, like his words held a double meaning.  
  
Images flashed in her mind, she was in his office, and he was pushing her against a bookshelf. Her hands were clawing at him, trying to push him away. She began feeling around behind her and she felt a smooth vase on the third shelf. She grabbed the vase and broke it against his the side of his head. He fell to the ground as ceramic went everywhere, shattered into a thousand pieces. Blood started trickling from the gash in his head, but he didn't care, he shook away the spinning room and got right back up again only to force her to the floor.  
  
She blinked the image away as she felt Jack grab her arm. Seeing the perplexed look in his and Captain Thorpe's eyes, she muttered an intelligible phrase and turned around quickly.  
  
"Samantha, what are you doing?" asked Jack as he watched her leave.  
  
Sam stepped over the large dog in front of her, walked around the end table with the remote on it and went down the two steps into his sitting area. She bent down and picked the ceramic vase off of the table and bent it towards the light, trying to get a look inside.  
  
Jack watched as Sam turned and dropped the vase on the floor. The chaos halted at the sound of glass shattering. He glanced at Raymond who had a blank expression on his face, wondering if he had anything to do with this. Sam bent down and picked a large piece of the vase off the floor. Attached to it was the detonator. Immediately, she was accosted by a bomb squad member who took the detonator and went into another room where he could disable it correctly.  
"We should be out of here soon," said Captain Thorpe glancing around the now almost empty apartment. Three officers had escorted Raymond to jail; the bomb squad had removed all traces of C4 and a few other S.W.A.T. team members were still going over the apartment.  
  
Jack thanked him and walked over to Sam who was standing out of the way, in a corner. He didn't say anything, just stood by her, watching as a woman from forensics got prints off what remained of the vase.  
  
Sam pushed her hands in her pockets, trying to break out of her daze. She felt a small metal object at the bottom and pulled it out, remembering it was the key from the card. She held it up and looked at it, trying to figure out what it went to.  
  
"Hey Jack, Sam, come take a look at this," said Danny as he turned around and headed towards the bedroom across from the guestroom.  
  
They walked into a large bedroom with a bathroom on one side and a closet on the other. Danny squeezed to the side as an officer walked out of the closet. Jack crossed the room, curious as to what was in the closet, while Sam tried to ignore everything that was Jonathan Raymond. His bedspread, his dresser, the fixtures on the wall, they were him. She wanted to run out of the apartment and go home, lock her doors and never come out.  
  
"Is it a hidden room?" asked Jack as they stood in the good-sized closet, looking at well-disguised door panel.  
  
"We think so. But we can't figure out how to open it." Sam leaned against the doorframe, watching as they examined the rest of the closet, looking for a keyhole or special knob.  
  
"Hey look, I got it," said Officer Jones, pushing the light switch to the side to reveal a typical dead bolt lock. Sam felt the key in her hand, wondering if this was what it went to.  
  
"Why don't you try that," said Danny catching a glimpse of the key. Sam shrugged and walked over to the keyhole, inserting the key. The panel gave way as Jones and Jack peered inside. Danny followed as another officer walked in before him. Sam looked around, and finding the rest of the room empty, she followed suit. She paused right as she stepped over the myriad of clothing and shoes piled on the floor.  
  
"Holy-" "Wow."  
  
Danny looked around as a dim light in the corner illuminated the rest of the windowless room. It reminded him a lot of Chet Collins' apartment, covered with newspaper clippings and photographs. Except there were a lot more pictures. Hundreds of pictures of different shapes and sizes covered almost every inch of all four walls, from floor to ceiling. No specific pattern or display - just pasted up in a haphazard fashion.  
  
Jack pulled out a flashlight so he could get a better look at the pictures. They were all women. Every single picture had a woman in it. For a room that was fourteen feet long and about eight feet wide, that was impressive.  
  
Sam walked in hesitantly, fearing the exclamations from inside. Getting a look of Jack's face, it made her want to run out of that room, out of that apartment, out of that building. But she couldn't. Her feet were planted to the floor. She remained calm, glad the others paid her no heed as they were completely enraptured by the pictures.  
  
"Hey Jack," said Danny looking at a few pictures back and forth. "These walls-"  
  
"Have the same women on them."  
  
"But this wall only has one -"  
  
Sam looked around, completely stunned. The largest wall had a long table against it, covered with scraps and scissors, dozens of pictures. This wall wasn't completely finished, but it was the only one that had two different women on it as well. She couldn't hear what the men around her were saying, they seemed to be conversing back and forth, but she could only hear that song, the one from the CD they'd found in Melanie's apartment.  
  
Watching me wanting me  
  
I can feel you pull me down  
  
Saving me raping me  
  
Watching me  
  
On the wall that had the small doorway, were pictures of Samantha Spade. Jack hadn't seen that wall yet, he was still in his corner. Danny was right behind her, looking at his wall.  
  
Everywhere that Sam looked, there were pictures of her. Some only of her, others, she was with a man. One particularly large black and white photograph was of her running through the woods. By the shirt, she could tell she was back at Quantico, training for the timed trials. How did this happen? Who took these? Why? She walked further down and saw herself in an evening gown. She was dancing on a terrace with her neighbor who needed a date to a charity function. A little above that one was a shot of her and Kyle walking along the street. Right beside it was one of her and Kyle in a passionate embrace on the roof of his building. He'd just proposed. Tears filled her eyes as she stood there looking at the past ten years of her life pasted on the wall.  
  
Everywhere she looked, there was a man she'd been with, a friend she'd gotten coffee with, an agent she'd run with through the park. Everything began spinning, the song got louder, turning into random sixteenth notes flying around in her head. She felt like she was standing in the middle of an orchestra warming up.  
  
Trombones and french horns running up and down their scales, increasing octaves each time. She was leaving the bookstore. Saxophones and clarinets fingering their keys, exercising their fingers. Her first date with a man she slept with later that night. Trumpets and flutes squealing along, emphasizing each beat of her heart. The day after Christmas, she was alone and headed towards work. Violins and bases plucked along, urging each tear that escaped her eye. The symbols and drums crashed in, easing into a quick crescendo. The morning after she'd slept with Jack. Reaching quadruple forte, it ceased and the only sound she could hear was her deep breathing and her heart.  
  
Everything was spinning, pictures were flashing around, men were talking to her now, their words getting lost along the way. She closed her eyes to block out the images, she bent over placing her hands on her knees.  
  
Jack and Danny stood beside her, trying to get her to say something. No words came, her eyes remained shut, her hands braced on her knees. Danny grabbed her hand carefully, hoping it would shake her out of shock.  
  
She felt the world fall from beneath her and her eyes shot open. The room hadn't stopped spinning, nor had the people who were standing in it. Nausea was overcoming her.  
  
"Oh God," she uttered breathlessly.  
  
"Samantha? Are you okay? Sam?"  
  
"Talk to us Sam, say something," said Danny, slowly rubbing her back.  
  
She looked at the two men on both sides of her and tried taking a deep breath. She shook her head and ran out of the room, headed straight towards the bathroom.  
  
"We better get back," said Jack following her out.  
  
"I'll be right there," said Danny as he caught a glimpse of two pictures on Samantha's wall. The first was of her and Jack. She was leaning against the car, he had his arm propped up on the roof, and both were staring intently at each other. The other, was of the two of them sitting in a park, he had his arm wrapped around her, the wind ruffling their hair. Danny grabbed the two pictures off the wall and pocketed them, hoping that no one else had seen them.  
  
Sam exited the bathroom and saw the two men waiting for her patiently. She rolled her eyes, furious with herself. She was shaking from the attack on her nerves, wanting nothing more than to be alone.  
  
"Come on Sam," said Danny, "let's go back." He brought a hand up and tried to grab her elbow, but she reared back.  
  
"Don't," she said fiercely, "touch me."  
  
Danny looked back at Jack with questioning eyes, Jack could only offer him a shrug and a shoulder pat.  
  
Sam piled into the back seat, seething. She should have shot them both. Why did she let Raymond go free? He deserved to die. Everything about her was on that wall. Those girls on the other walls were the same victims of this vicious crime. At least Melanie was safe. Yes she was safe. For the time being.  
  
The ride back to the office was awkwardly silent. Neither man knew what to say, knew what to do. The woman in the back wanted all men dead.  
  
When they'd parked in the garage, Danny climbed out along with Samantha and Jack. They walked through the building that was constantly full of people, even when it was 11:21 at night. They stood in the elevator; their eyes focused forward, each lost in his or her own thoughts. As they approached his office, Danny walked on as Jack stood in Sam's way, urging her into his office.  
  
He didn't talk, didn't do much of anything except remove his jacket and hang it in its rightful place. Sam stood relatively far away from his desk - almost as though she were still at the apartment - unwilling to step any further. Jack couldn't look at her. He felt too many emotions at once to feel like sorting them out at that moment. He knew she was beyond consolation. Her behavior in the car ride on the way back had shown that. He started to get angry. Half of this wouldn't have happened if Sam had stayed in the car when he told her to.  
  
"Sit."  
  
"No thank y-"  
  
"Sit down." She complied with his wishes, although not completely. She chose to lean against the arm of the couch that was a good deal from his desk. He remained standing, looking at the file, and checked the clock. He turned away from the clock and finally took a look at the agent sitting across the room who was staring at her feet, completely disconnected from the world.  
  
"Why were you in the car with me? I can't remember."  
  
"After I made my request, you got the phone call and I went with you and Danny."  
  
"Even though you weren't supposed to," he said while taking a seat. He sat there waiting for her response, thumping a pen up and down.  
  
"Even though I wasn't supposed to, yes."  
  
"Did I ask you to stay in the car?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Good. Because I can't remember everything that happened, and I have to explain to Van Doran what the hell you were doing on top of that building and why you were in that apartment."  
  
"I hadn't filed a formal request yet, so it isn't like there was any real documentation that I wasn't supposed to be there."  
  
"Except, that in the next week, everything will be uncovered that proves you shouldn't have even left this building except to get us bagels. Why did you never do anything about this?" Jack asked, his voice a little louder than he would have liked, unsure as to whether he would actually receive an answer. Silence filled the office.  
  
"Jack?" Martin poked his head in Jack's office. Jack looked up at him. "I had the pleasure of sharing an elevator with Van Doran," his voice betrayed an overwhelming sense of sarcasm. "She requests an audience with you immediately."  
  
Jack sighed, knowing that he would rather climb to the top of that building on one leg than speak with her.  
  
"Got it. Thanks Martin."  
  
"Hey Sam I forgot to tell you earlier. Great job up there. That was - amazing what you did," Martin beamed with admiration for the other agent.  
  
Instead of saying anything, she offered a head nod and a smile. She glanced at him then returned her eyes to the ground.  
  
Jack stood up and straightened his jacket. He wanted to come back and not be irate. He wanted the agent in front of him to be fine. He wanted this day to be done.  
  
"Don't move," he said while he left his office.  
  
She watched his retreating form head towards the elevator, then stood up.  
  
TBC. I'm not kidding. Don't move. Okay, this party has one more chapter left. Then all will be done. Well, at least for this "episode." Hope this wasn't too confusing or crazy. 


	9. time around

A/N Sorry I haven't updated for a while, RL got in the way, and it's been a rather hectic week. I want to say thanks to all who reviewed, read and enjoyed (shout out to Maple St.ers!). I hope this last installment lives up to your expectations and if not, well thanks for reading any way.  
  
~~~~~  
  
Martin rubbed his eyes, trying to blink away the haze that accompanied the need for sleep. His head hurt, his feet hurt, and he wanted to get out of that awful tie. He glanced over at Vivian as she started to shuffle around. He checked his watch. 11:45. It was time to go home.  
  
"Hey Viv, give me the rundown one more time of what we got in there," said Martin scanning his notes.  
  
She looked over at him and smirked, she always took better notes.  
  
"Hodges was an investigator that lived here and in Quantico about five years ago. He also went to Melburne and was a student under Dr. Raymond. Very few relationships, studying to get his doctorate-"  
  
"Yeah I got all of that, what about the C4? Why don't you think he told us where he got it from?"  
  
"He said he was in the military, but I didn't think to ask him more than that."  
  
"Didn't he mention something about Dr. Raymond having some sort of cancer, hence the reason for his frequent trips to Albany?"  
  
"That's right, I almost forgot about that. Dr. Raymond has colon cancer. He was going up to Albany for some kind of radical treatment up there but the treatment stopped working. According to Hodges, Dr. Raymond has about three months left in him."  
  
"Did you tell Jack? Because I don't think he knows about that," Martin said as he looked over the very end of his notes.  
  
"Jack knows, don't worry," she glanced over everything one more time then looked up at Martin. "So basically, Hodges said he can be linked to almost everything Dr. Raymond has done over the past eight years."  
  
"Well, he was an investigator, he most likely did whatever Raymond himself could not. I guess that's how that picture room got filled," he sighed thinking about what Danny told him about the apartment. Like once Sam came in the small room, the expression on her face when she realized the wall was completely of her, it was one of the most mortifying things he'd ever experienced.  
  
"Don't remind me. I guess Hodges took the pictures and Raymond assembled them all," Vivian sat back in her chair, turning thoughts over in her brain. "I wonder what it was in the first place that brought them together. What is it that would bind two very different men to do these things?"  
  
"Isn't it obvious?" Martin asked.  
  
Vivian followed his eyes towards Jack's office. She shook her head incredulously.  
  
"No. No way. She's had problems with men in the past, but never like this. I don't think so," she turned back to her report, pressing print for the third time in the last ten minutes.  
  
"I'm just saying, she went to Melburne, she has a wall in the man's house and she obviously lied about not knowing Hodges. There has to be some kind of history there,  
  
Martin toyed with the thought for a moment more, choosing not to continue.  
  
Vivian disregarded his comments. They would all know the truth on Monday, once everything had been worked out. But as the minutes wore on, she began to understand the motives behind Raymond and Hodges, that Martin was probably right in his reasoning. At least at this late hour Martin was making sense out of all this madness. And madness is exactly what it was.  
  
"Sam finished everything up at NYU right?" asked Martin, tapping the side of his head with the file.  
  
"Yes, NYU was where she transferred to after Melburne."  
  
"You don't think-" Martin began, too unsure to finish his sentence.  
  
"We'll know soon enough won't we? Monday will be here soon enough. Hey, I'm heading out, it's quittin' time," she bent down and shoved some files that she'd never read into her briefcase.  
  
"You coming?" she asked as she slid into her jacket.  
  
Martin was looking in the direction of Jack's office, turning some thoughts over in his head. He was way too tired to try to figure this all out tonight, but he wanted to know what was going on.  
  
"Nah, I think I'll finish up here then head off," he paused, glancing down at his nearly completed report.  
  
"Well, see you tomorrow then," she gave him a sly look and began walking away. She stopped and turned around, resting her arm on his desk. "She's not coming out anytime soon Martin. And even if she did, she wouldn't tell you squat."  
  
He avoided looking up at her and cocked his head to the side, searching for a sufficient reply.  
  
"I know that. I was just waiting for Danny. He said he had to run up to the fourteenth floor," said Martin, a light red blush creeping over his features.  
  
"Right. Good night Martin," she turned away, shaking her head. That boy was something else all right.  
  
Martin watched Vivian walk slowly away, fatigue evident in her walk. He leaned back in his chair, stretched out and then settled back down.  
  
Vivian hazarded a glance into Jack's office as she walked by. The young blond was sitting, leaning far back really, in Jack's chair. She couldn't tell if her eyes were closed or if she were staring at the ceiling, lost in that mess of thoughts crowding her head. She wanted to go in there, tell her it was going to be all right, and hug the poor child.  
  
Everything in her being told her that it would be okay, that it didn't matter that they worked for the government - they had feelings and emotions too. Badges, Ids, black sunglasses, those only got them so far. They never teach a class at the Academy as to how to recover when your biggest secret gets blown up in your face for all the world to see.  
  
Instead of stopping and helping her colleague, her feet carried her steadily onwards, towards the path of least resistance. She pushed the 'down' button and waited for the ever so slow elevator to work its way down to her floor. The large doors slid open, revealing Danny.  
  
He looked like he'd been dragged to Hell and back and he'd returned too soon. He offered a slight smile and a nod, acknowledging with his eyes the brevity of the situation. Danny made a small, 'after you', motion with his hands as she walked on to the elevator. She kept her eyes on his beleaguered form as the doors gradually came to a close.  
  
Somehow, maybe it was a woman's intuition, maybe it was just her, but as she stood there, Vivian knew exactly what happened. She didn't need to wait nine hours to hear it from Jack or Danny on the phone the next morning. She knew Sam wouldn't be there Monday. Vivian waited while the doors opened to let in a haggard accountant, the kind that ruin pens and pencils by chewing on them. Her mind drifted back to the woman upstairs.  
  
She never knew how to define her relationship with Samantha. In all aspects, they were completely different women, brought up in completely different ways. She had a family to care for; Sam could go out after work and get drinks with the boys. There was a large enough difference in age that only neutral topics could be the foreground if they ever had a conversation. Of course, looking back now at all the times she and Sam had been on trips together, been in the car with an endless expanse of road before them, shared truly difficult situations with families - she'd never known what to do.  
  
Of course, she wasn't supposed to make friends at work. No, that wasn't what it was for. She was there to get the job done and do it well. Co- workers were there to help accomplish that goal. What happens when the job is your life? Even though she didn't know the details of what happened to Samantha, she had a pretty good idea. In cases like this, rarely was she ever wrong.  
  
She'd always been the mediator - the calm one - when she was a child. She just wished that now, she could find a solution to this problem. She remembered wondering about Jack and Sam months ago. She knew they were having an affair. Should she have done something? Mentioned it to him? No. These people were her co-workers. She knew they were responsible enough to handle the situation on their own. If their relationship or whatever it was, got in the way of their work, then she would have said something.  
  
But it didn't. And Jack wised up. They called it quits. Doesn't mean his family will magically come back together, but he was going to have to end it if he ever thought he could get out of this vicious cycle.  
  
A muffled sound brought her out of her thoughts. She looked around and realized she was still on the elevator. She was elevator riding. A grown woman, elevator riding. Fancy that. Leaning out of the opened doors, she found herself on the sixth floor. She'd never been on the sixth floor in all the time she'd spent there. She recalled that it was an expansion of homicide, the eighth floor had grown crowded and with the influx of new agents, a new department appeared with it's own slice of the F.B.I. pound cake.  
  
Why didn't home look appealing right now? Why did she want to stay here? She didn't want to leave, she wanted to hover nearby in case they needed her. She wanted to stay for the same reason Martin did. Like it or not, those agents were more than colleagues, they were her friends. She would sacrifice herself for anyone of them just as easily as she had for Jack Malone. Why? Because they'd proven themselves over and over again to be talented, skillful agents, dedicated to their work. They all had their faults, as did she, but working together made her have respect for these workaholics.  
  
After looking around a bit, she walked back to the elevator, but instead of boarding, she sat on a bench opposite the doors. She liked the quiet actually. In a city like this, solitude and serenity were rarely ever gotten. Going home was an option, but being alone for a few minutes was more to her satisfaction.  
  
He hated being alone. He really did. He watched Danny put the rest of the evidence in plastic bags, labeling and placing them in certain boxes. He wished he could be as carefree as Danny, just roll with the punches. Of course, Danny didn't have someone hovering over his shoulder, monitoring his every move.  
  
"Hey, you okay?" Danny asked taking a glance at Martin.  
  
"Ah, yeah. I'm just thinking. It's been a rough week you know?" said Martin, swiveling around in his chair.  
  
"Harder on some more so than others, but yeah, it's been tough."  
  
"Do you think everything is going to be all right? With all of this?"  
  
"You know, I want to say yes and mean it, but I don't know," he turned around and leaned against the table, crossing his arms in normal fashion. "I was there and I don't know everything that's going on. I know that Raymond is a psychopathic killer. I know that Hodges helped orchestrate this whole nightmare and that he knew Sam, but that's all I got."  
  
"Do you think Sam knew Raymond when she was at Melburne? What about Hodges?"  
  
"Beats me, but from what I could tell he's a twisted man as well."  
  
"I keep getting different things, I just can't organize it all. How am I supposed to turn in this report when half of the information might be wrong?" Martin sighed, shaking the papers in the air.  
  
Danny got up and walked to Martin, shaking his head. He took the report, tore it in half and threw it in the trash.  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"Wait until the morning. I always do," said Danny as he placed the lids on the rest of the boxes and piled them one on top of the other.  
  
"I've got to drop this stuff off downstairs before heading out, do you want to give me a hand?" asked Danny, placing his weight on one foot to balance the boxes.  
  
Martin looked back towards Jack's office and sighed again, tomorrow was already here. He could wait until Monday to find out what really happened. He hated being in the dark though. It's not like anyone really knew what was going on, but still, it was his job. Investigating, finding clues, putting puzzles together. He liked being able to call it a day knowing where he stood on a case. Having a stance and being in the dark are two opposite ends of the spectrum.  
  
He stood up slowly, slipped into his jacket and grabbed two boxes off of the table.  
  
"Hey. You gave me the heavy boxes!" he said, realizing the weight within the cardboard boxes surpassed that of Danny's.  
  
"No, you chose the boxes that were left," said Danny, marching onward. Martin's probably were heavier, but no one was holding a gun to his head.  
  
Instead of walking past Jack's office like he should have, Danny stuck his head inside. Sam was still sitting at Jack's desk, her gaze fixed upward as her head rested on the back of the seat.  
  
"Hey Sam?" nothing. He figured as much.  
  
"I uh, I just wanted you to know that what you did today took a lot of guts and that I'm think you did a great job. No matter what happens, we're by your side," he offered as Martin hesitatingly poked his head inside.  
  
She lifted her head off the seat and bent her head down; keeping her eyes closed the whole time. If they only knew. She opened her eyes, but couldn't bring them up to meet those of the two men standing before her  
  
She opened her mouth, but no words came out. What could she say? What was appropriate, when she knew that come next Monday, they wouldn't want to know her. It's not like she'd done anything, but they would treat her differently. That was the last thing she wanted.  
  
Forcing a small grin, she glanced in their direction saying in a scratchy voice, "Thanks."  
  
"Later Sam, take care of that hand," said Danny, turning to walk away. She would be better in a few days. Always was.  
  
Martin stood there a moment, trying to find the perfect words, but only coming across two that fit at this moment. He wanted to bang his head into the glass door in frustration. So much to say, so little to work with. He wanted to tell her that he knew about the affair. He wanted to tell her that no matter what happened today or last year, it would get better. He wanted to tell her that he liked her in black. There is a time for everything and every purpose under Heaven. This was not it.  
  
He clenched his jaw and offered what he could, "Night Samantha."  
  
"Martin this elevator waits for no one, not even the son of Assistant Director Fitzgerald," Danny yelled down the hallway.  
  
Sam gave him a small wave of the hand, and let her head fall back once again as he walked away. She was sleepy. Exhausted. Mentally and physically wiped out. Her senses had pulled overtime and she knew she wouldn't be able to handle her next encounter with Jack. Viv was gone, the boys had left. It was time to go home.  
  
She brought her head up once again and glanced at his clock. It was 12:19. Now she'd pulled all-niters before, but she'd never stayed so she could have the opportunity to divulge her locked away past to her boss. And he was her boss. He wasn't Jack, he wasn't her ex-lover, he was the man who held her future in her hands. Damn him.  
  
She stood up abruptly and looked around. There were still people milling around, but none were near their side of the building. She glanced in the direction of the elevator and saw no one coming except for a large man with a hideous tie.  
  
Her heeled shoes pelted the floor, each step hard and even. Maybe it was time for a change. She could always get another job. She could work at an all-women facility upstate, where it's cold and isolated. Men weren't at the top of her list as far as a relocation went.  
  
She looked at her desk and figured she could grab what she needed and be out of there in five minutes. Her apartment was expendable, she'd only need a few items, and everything else was of little consequence. She bent under her desk searching for her bag. This decision was completely irrational, but it was the best plan she had.  
  
Two men walked by the white board, laughing about a crude joke. Sam glanced in their direction, mystified by the opposite sex. Her eyes moved from them to the board. Melanie's picture was still on the board, framed in by male handwriting. The young woman who had a startling resemblance to her was still on the board. She wanted to go over and take the picture down like she'd done so many times before. The person was found now the world will be a happy place once again. The end.  
  
No, it didn't work like that. Was Melanie really found? Or was her soul still dangling off that building, dozens of blocks away? Sam never really gave much thought to the families or the people once they'd been found. She'd always assumed that everything would pick right up again, nothing to come in the way of a lost person now found.  
  
She realized for the first time that she would be apart of the healing process, going along every step of the way to ensure that Melanie would make it, and that the effects wouldn't be too life altering.  
  
Sam walked around the table and hopped up on it, her bag and last chance to start a new life quickly forgotten. Her legs dangled back and forth, and she sat there staring at the board and picture that could have been taken from her own photo album. She knew that leaving would be the easy way out, that running away from her problems would be giving in, she refused to succumb to the urge. She knew in her heart that in some ways, she would be helping herself just as much as she'd be helping Melanie by working through the pain and suffering. It would be reliving the whole thing again, bringing out parts of herself that were better left locked away in that filing cabinet. At least she had what was in there. If they ever went to court, she'd be ready.  
  
She took a deep breath, exhaling all the tension that had built up around her nerves. She felt so - raw, exposed, naked. A mirthless laugh escaped her, knowing that it would only get worse, that when she would walk down the hallway people would give her sympathetic looks. As if they knew what happened. Really understood. They couldn't begin to comprehend the mess that her life had become. In such a short time she'd gone from a hardworkin agent to risking her life, career and the well being of those around her. She picked up a highlighter that was lying on the table, twirling it around as the anger in her began to rise again.  
  
It was bad enough that she'd been - sexually assaulted - but the psychological ramifications were the most difficult to deal with. Raymond knew how to get in the mind, take memories, mistakes, happiness and stretch it all apart, misconstruing it all and then shoving it back in at will. He was the most dangerous type of killer. He was so charming, so charismatic. His ease and ability to detect her thoughts was alarming, in that he was killing people without them knowing, without it being evident to anyone. Anything could trigger the bomb that he planted in the dozens of minds he'd played with.  
  
It was all just a game. Child's play.  
  
She looked up at the board and saw the eyes of an innocent girl peering back at hers. Those eyes knew only tears and pain now.  
  
"Augh," she threw the highlighter at the board, not aiming at any one spot in particular, she just wanted to hit something.  
  
"Hitting the board with a highlighter isn't going to help," said Jack calmly.  
  
Sam jumped and turned to see Jack sitting in a chair on the other side of the table. Her thoughts must have drowned out the sound of him taking a seat right behind her. She tensed immediately. How long had he been there? It didn't matter. How much longer would she have to stay?  
  
"What's going to happen to me?" she asked, trying to get this over with as quickly as possible. She turned her head to the side, waiting for his response, but never turned around. She didn't want to face him. Not like this, even though she needed to.  
  
"We'll get there, but I want to know some things before I can fully evaluate the situation," he said. Jack sat back in the chair and loosened his tie. He had no idea why he still had it on. Didn't matter.  
  
Unaware of what his questions could entail, she hesitated before nodding in agreement.  
  
"I do want to tell you first that I uh, I heard everything you said when you were on the building this afternoon," Jack said carefully, unsure of what her response would be.  
  
Her head shot up, not cognizant that he already knew about her part of the story. She wanted to turn around and look at him, to show him that she didn't want anything from him, didn't want sympathy. She sat there for a moment, contemplating what to say. She didn't want to make this any more personal that it was at present. She was fine. Always was.  
  
"Van Doran already knows though. She wouldn't assign me to this unit unless I agreed to her conditions," she said, already stating what Jack had just learned.  
  
"Yeah I knew you had the therapy sessions with Dr. McCaffery, but I didn't have clearance for anything more than that."  
  
She nodded, aware that he wasn't privy to such information. That sat in an awkward silence for a moment, both exhausted and drained.  
  
"I have problems dealing with," she paused trying to find the appropriate word. None would suffice. "I have issues. Plain and simple."  
  
"It's understandable, it really is. Don't worry Sam, you don't have to go any further right now. I just need to know a little bit more," his fingers toyed with a button in his shirt. He was nervous. For one of the first times in his life, he was nervous about asking someone a couple of personal questions. He wanted to tell her that it was okay, what happened to her, that her reaction to this whole ordeal was expected. Instead, he chose to keep it nice and clean for the time being.  
  
He adjusted himself in his chair and cleared his throat, Sam turned her head once again to the ground before her.  
  
"Why didn't you accept the Dubois Fellowship?"  
  
A small laugh escaped her once again. The irony of it all made her a bit too contemptuous. She was growing increasingly bitter as the night drew on.  
  
"Can't you see the headlines now, Jack? FELLOWSHIP WINNER INVOLVED IN SEX SCANDAL," she framed the imagined header in the air with her hands.  
  
"What, would he have black mailed you? Why didn't you go to the hospital, get proof and take him to court?"  
  
She placed her hands with their sore wrists firmly on the table and hopped off, already frustrated with this conversation.  
  
"It's easier said than done. You met him, you know how he is. I wouldn't have been able to stand up against him. It was his word against mine. People were more likely to believe a valued and trusted member of their faculty than an ambitious student," she kept her arms crossed and paced back and forth, unable to stand still.  
  
"I don't understand. Why couldn't you have brought it forth to Dr. Mackenzie or another member of the faculty, whom you trusted," said Jack, unable to get over his confusion.  
  
"Because, I'm not like that, Jack! I didn't want half the world to know what happened to me two days after I got the award," she paused as her voice cracked at the end. She regained her composure and started again, barely above a whisper.  
  
"He told me that if I did so much as mention a word to anyone, that he'd go to the faculty and media, proclaiming me a desperate liar. If I said anything, any hope that lingered of having a good career would have been demolished. He was going to destroy my life," she stopped, her frustration with herself overwhelming her. Reflecting on the past 24 hours, she shrugged her shoulders submissively, "he did destroy my life."  
  
Jack didn't get up, didn't say a word. He sat quietly and watched her deal with the demons in her head before going further.  
  
"Did you ever get any proof?"  
  
"Yeah, I uh. I went back again. I was wearing a skirt and I had a recorder strapped between my legs. I have verbal affirmation and his threat to blackmail me. I just wanted it for protection though," she paused briefly, trying to find the strength to go on.  
  
"There's a type of stigma that attaches itself to women who've been raped. I've seen it happen repeatedly. But it was ten years ago. The system didn't work the same way then as it does now and teachers had a little bit more credibility," she stopped and pulled out the chair on the side of the table next to Jack, taking a seat with little ease.  
  
"Stupid ass, he almost tried it again when I went the second time," she shook her head, marveling at his conceit.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"You know that limp he has?" he nodded.  
  
"Well, I had my umbrella with me that day. He was out for a week, didn't say a thing to anyone. He touched me and my reflex involved the umbrella making contact with his knee," they laughed anxiously, alleviating the increasing tension that surrounded their conversation.  
  
Sam's smile turned into a frown as she crossed her arms instinctively, her eyes shutting against the vision of his hand running up her leg.  
  
Jack wanted to lean over and just offer her some sort of reassurance, but digressed in fear of her reaction to his touch. Women were not in want of male consolation in a time like this. He was lucky she was even talking to him. Trusting in others was not her forte.  
  
He loosened his tie, struggling to get this whole 'questioning' done. It was mandatory procedure in such a high profile case as this, and especially when an agent is linked to the case.  
  
"Clayton Hodges was in the military right? That's how he got the C4?"  
  
His voice startled her out of her thoughts. Clayton Hodges was a disturbed man in every sense of the word. He deserved to die. He deserved to have Raymond kill him.  
  
"Yes, he went to school with a scholarship from the Marines. He had to pay them back by being in the reserves for five years after school. In the summer he would leave for a month and go to countries like Iran, Bolivia, Ecuador. He was part of a demolition unit," she struck a palm to her head, angry that she didn't remember it earlier.  
  
"What was your relationship with him in college?"  
  
She frowned, wary of what she was saying.  
  
"He was in love with me," she threw her hands up with returning frustration. All the signs were there. How could she have been so blind?  
  
"And you didn't reciprocate these feelings I take it?"  
  
She shook her head, the uncomfortable territory preventing her from speaking.  
  
"You left right after your junior year was over, right?"  
  
She nodded, he knew the rest of the story, where she finished up, where she earned her law degree.  
  
"Did he ever contact you over that period of time?"  
  
"At the very end of my senior year at NYU. He tracked me down. He was the one who came in the first time around after Dr. Raymond - you know - and he was led to believe by Dr. Raymond that we'd been in a relationship while I was at school. He wouldn't listen to me when I told him he was misinformed, but Dr. Raymond is a very persuasive man and I am just a manipulative slut."  
  
"Don't say that. You are anything but that," he said, trying to keep her focused.  
  
"You saw those pictures. You must think I sleep with a different man every night. Who knows. Maybe I do," she was getting angry. Being violated in such an intimate way only left her feeling absolute revulsion with the opposite sex.  
  
"Sam, it doesn't matter what I think. But for the record, I don't."  
  
"How do you know though? Were you there? What makes you think you weren't one more rung I had to climb to get to the top?" her self-deprecating manner was growing too intense.  
  
"Because, I know you!" he matched her volume level then subsided. "Samantha, stop this. You are only going to regret it later."  
  
She didn't hear his words, she could only dwell on her own thoughts and Raymond's words playing over and over in her head.  
  
"I couldn't get the feeling of him off of me, I always felt dirty, like I shouldn't be around others. And after that first time a couple years later, I felt a little of him leave. It almost became an obsession with me, using sex to get him off of me. I was horrible to so many guys, and then one day, I just stopped. I couldn't justify my behavior in my mind, couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror. The feeling never left though. Even now, I still," she couldn't continue, her voice once again overcome by the lump in her throat.  
  
Jack remained silent, letting her confess was one of the best things she could do right now. His remaining open to her, accepting her without censure was all he could do on his part.  
  
He took a long look at her, noting the changes in her expression and posture. Sadness always took a misshapen form on people.  
  
"Sam, you are one of the most intelligent, empathetic people I know. Your ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes is unfathomable to me. Not once have I ever thought of you any less than a remarkable human being. Don't let him mess with your head like that," he said resolutely.  
  
She blushed under his compliment, but really he was only stating the truth. He leaned forward on the table, trying to remember if there was anything else to ask before she could go home.  
  
"You know," said Sam, her voice growing more hoarse with each word, "compassion, empathy, they only get you so far. Sometimes that's what defeats a person in the end. It overwhelms you to the point to where all you can focus on is what is right in front of you," she stopped, she was truly unable to go much further.  
  
He watched as she braced her arm on the table, cupping her mouth with her hand. Her left hand remained on the table tracing circles around a small dent in the veneer. She kept her eyes glued to the corner of the file in front of him, unable to manage more than a blink.  
  
"Are we done?" she muttered, bringing her hand far enough away so he could barely decipher her words.  
  
He looked over everything, knowing it could wait until Monday, even Tuesday. They all needed a break. Sam especially. Martin would just have to wait until then to find out what was going on.  
  
"Are we?" he asked in a tone that held many meanings. At his question her eyes went up to his, finally looking at him for the first time that night.  
  
The air caught in Jack's throat as he saw the look in Sam's eyes. Fatigue etched her features and her eyes were on the brink of tears. But what got him was the shine that he saw when he looked at her so many times in the past. That shine, that spirit, was gone. In its place was an indescribable look of despair. She reminded him of a free horse who'd been captured and had runaway, only to be captured once again. Her spirit was broken. She was broken.  
  
Without thinking, he reached over and grabbed her hand. It was a simple gesture really, but not appropriate for the time and situation.  
  
She pulled her hand away immediately as if she'd just touched a flame.  
  
"I can't - " the lump in her throat made it exceedingly difficult for her to speak. She stood up quickly and walked behind him to her desk. She was ashamed of herself, aware that she wasn't ready to face the world.  
  
"I'm sorry," she whispered while he nodded looking straight ahead, his eyes gravitating to the picture in front of him.  
  
She grabbed her bag and started to walk away, tears already starting to escape.  
  
"Sam," said Jack, he turned his head towards her now, watching her turn slightly with her eyes fixed on the ground.  
  
"I'm proud of you. Never do that again, but know that without you, Melanie would probably be dead right now. I thank you for that," his voice was low and coarse, betraying the emotions that were overcoming him.  
  
"See you Monday," he uttered, the decision of her future was made. He had evaluated the situation and although she would receive some disapproval, in no way would she be dismissed.  
  
She nodded her head in appreciation and walked to the elevator. She pushed the button with shaking hands, her nerves a mess. As she waited, her mind went back to the man sitting at the table, who was mentally kicking himself for his actions. She didn't know that he was clenching his eyelids together to keep the tears from running down his face. She didn't know that as she would be crawling into bed, he would be sitting in an uncomfortable metal chair interrogating Jonathan Raymond for two hours. No easy task when all he wanted to do was strangle the man with his bare hands. She didn't know that early that Saturday morning, he would be there to witness Clayton Hodges being rushed to the hospital because he'd broken down and tried to kill himself from the psychological effects of working with Jonathan Raymond. She didn't know that he wouldn't go home to his wife and children that night - that he would fall asleep in his two-day-old suit in his stuffy, cramped apartment.  
  
As she boarded the elevator the only thought before her was Melanie. There was going to be a case to be sure, and everyone would find out what happened to her ten years ago, two days after she'd won her award. She knew that the certificate, notebook, cluster of papers, journal and tape were going to be her portion of defense in the case against Dr. Jonathan Raymond.  
  
Breaking down in an elevator wasn't the best idea in the world, seeing as she still had another half-hour before she reached her house, but she couldn't make it any further. The elevator descended as the lone agent stood in the center, her hand cupping her mouth to the silence the gasps and cries that escaped her. The elevator unexpectedly halted on the sixth floor, causing her to choke in an attempt to quickly stop her crying.  
  
As the elevator doors opened, the sight before her was a godsend.  
  
In one glance, Samantha had confirmed everything and no words needed to be exchanged, no mention of what happened earlier needed to take place. Vivian walked on and dropped her briefcase, wrapping the blond woman up in her arms with all the maternal grace she could muster. Sam clung to Vivian who soothed her quietly, rubbing her back in a slow, cautious manner.  
  
"Thank you," Sam managed get out through her sobs.  
  
Vivian and Sam stood there, seeking comfort in the safest way possible. Both knowing that this was difficult for each of them, happy that they had a chance to unleash what never had been in the past. Vivian sniffed as tears fell from her eyes as well, Sam's desperation becoming somewhat contagious.  
  
In the end, it comes down to one thing: they are all a team, and when one falters, they all stop and pick that person up and carry on with their search. For Vivian, it was offering support in the best way imaginable. For she was the calm one: smooth, confident and sincere in every respect. This was her job. Not the badges or the Ids, but the people who shared the same desire - to seek and find.  
  
Although much was left unresolved that night, the world did move on and Samantha came back to work that Monday. Melanie was on the uphill road to recovery, as was Sam, who was also aware of Raymond's condition as well as Hodges. The fact that Raymond had not long to live made her feel much more secure, her spirits slightly uplifted. Each agent had been updated on the case, mindful that they would have to testify in court against Hodges and even Raymond.  
  
As expected, the dynamics had changed at work once a lot of people found out what happened to Sam ten years ago, two days after she'd received her award. However, she was ready to work through this and get on with her life, especially now that two men would not be in it.  
  
But at that moment, at 10:57 a.m. Monday morning, the team sat around the large table with the white board cleaned off. They waited anxiously as their fearless, but very human leader walked across the bullpen with a new folder that held a life within. This was their job, day in and day out. For better or for worse, this was what they worked for everyday, saving the lives of others.  
  
The end 


End file.
